A dating horror story broke out last month when Londoner Kishore Nimmala, 32, was arrested and fined £1200 ($1656.60) after an argument broke out when his date, Fakhara Sultana, refused to split the drinks bill. They had met on a dating site and Fakhara assumed, as it was the first date, Kishore would be picking up the tab.
The story got me pondering: In this day and age, should a guy pay on the first date?
In the modern dating community, I have learned there are two types of people. The first type thinks that women should pay for their own meals on a first date, and the second believes that the guy should pay for the whole bill. So, which one are you?
Blokes, I don’t envy you. You are in a sticky situation. Today’s woman is a complex creature. We want romance, and yet, we want independence. But I am here to help you...
A lot of chicks are rocking this whole ‘independent woman’ thing (very important). You are now going on a date with Miss Independent and you are confused about the appropriate etiquette when it comes to the paying for the bill. (P.S. You really like this chick.)
You’re thinking, “Should I (man) pay for my date (woman)?”
The answer is YES.
Here are my top five reasons you should put your money where your mouth is:
1. It’s a test of character.
When she offers to pay for the bill, she is TESTING YOU! Whether she is doing it subconsciously or not, she wants to know how you are going to react. Sounds harsh, but it is TRUE.
She might be an independent woman, but are you an independent man?
On a first date, believe me, she is trying to figure out what kind of guy you are. Are you a provider? Are you reliable? Are you generous? Paying for the bill suggests you are all of these things.
2. “She insists on paying. What do I do now?”
You insist harder. If you want this girl, pay for that meal, mister. Society values money, but she needs to know whether you value her. Paying for the meal shows her you value her. Don’t get confused. I’m not suggesting you buy her, but buying the meal indicates you have value for her.
3. “I’ve just paid for the meal, but what about the rest of the night?”
Okay, so you’ve paid for the meal. If she insists, let her get a round of drinks or the movie theatre snacks. This is smart compromise and shows her you can negotiate.
4. “But I can’t afford to take my date out for a fancy meal...”
Guys, if you can’t afford to take her out for a fancy meal, DON’T PANIC. If you haven’t realized this yet, THIS ISN’T ABOUT MONEY. It’s about how you make her feel.
Top Dating Tip: The thought that goes into a first date is more important than the money you spend. If you’re on a budget, why not go for a romantic walk and buy the coffees and cake? Organize a picnic? Why not go to an exhibition or a live music night? What’s going on in your local area? Women like attention to detail; find out what she likes.
Going to the park and feeding the ducks can be super romantic – remember to bring the bread!
5. “She doesn’t offer to pay. What does this mean?”
Guys, your date should offer to pay for herself. I might be encouraging you to pick up the bill, but your date should not assume you are going to. Dating is a mutual exercise and you are within your rights to observe her behavior, just as she is observing yours.
One of the reasons she might not want you to pay is because she doesn’t want to feel like she owes you a lil’ something, something the end of the night. Or maybe she wants to show you she can look after herself - these are good qualities to have. However, expecting you to pay for the meal is not cool. And I would be wary of a woman who is so frivolous with other people’s money.
Note for the ladies: from one woman to another, please have some self-respect and bring your wallet on the first date.
Guys, I know it’s confusing, but women are complicated. Of course you don’t have to pay. But if you like the girl you’re going out with, this gesture will really go a long way.
I hope this insight has been helpful. Happy dating!
Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr