Is His Girlfriend Your Problem?

Maybe you’ve known this guy for a while, you’re friends with him or he’s somebody you work with. This is someone you’ve spent significant time with and maybe that attraction wasn’t always there, but it’s certainly here now and becoming the elephant in the room.

You could have met him in passing or found each other at some social event and made a connection. The attraction is instant, the conversation is natural and you can feel the sexual tension closing you in. The downfall to all of these scenarios: he has a girlfriend.

Either he’s told you or it’s something you’re already aware of. Friendships can take a turn at any moment. Relationships at work can be completely professional one minute and the next you’re sexting each other after the workday is done.

The fact of the girlfriend still remains. Now for some girls (or maybe most), that may be the end all be all and that guy is no longer a sexual entity. We declare him as unavailable, keep our impure thoughts to ourselves and keep it moving along, open to the next opportunity.

But what if this guy is actively pursuing you? Texting, Facebook messaging and possibly even taking it to the next level and Snap Chatting. Not necessarily wanting a relationship, but a sexual encounter? Definitely.

There can be a fine line between doing the right thing and doing what’s right for you. Meaning that your once so seemingly concrete morals about not sleeping with someone else’s man are dissipating. You now have begun to consider it because let’s face it: guys who even get themselves into these situations are f*cking smooth; it’s how you’ve even come to consider the scenario.

We all like to have our cake and eat it too. I’m sure there have been plenty of times where we’ve all greedily indulged in something or other. Obviously cheating has a stigma and is perceived to be much more severe.

Is karma going to bite you in your ass in your next relationship? Are we all mandated to abide by girl code, even if we have no idea who the girl is? Should we care about her feelings when we have no intention of dealing with them?

Well, he doesn’t seem to care too much, does he? There may be no proper way to go about handling these situations. Sure, people have found their soul mates or future husbands sleeping around while they were meant to be committed to someone else. But no girl should expect that or be looking for it.

We’re not talking about fate here. That’s something that can’t be determined by anyone but fate. Although my name is similar sounding to fate, it isn’t. A serious relationship blossoming out of a sexual encounter is not the focus here either. Most likely, he’s never going to consider you a possible girlfriend.  You shouldn’t be expecting this either or you’re unfit for spontaneous and casual sex.

There may be no cut and dry answer to the question as to how far we should care about someone else’s girlfriend. I mean, you’re not dating her. But she still exists and she’s the fly in the ointment.

Do You Want To Be Someone’s Shady Side Piece?

Let’s say you’ve started considering it. Do you want the one time or once in a while fling with someone who doesn’t want to catch feelings for you, just explore you like Legends of The Hidden Temple? Maybe that’s what you’re looking for in return, which would be the best case scenario considering he’ll be going home to someone else, not with you.

Do You Think It Could Become Habitual?

Maybe you’ve stifled up the lady balls to do the deed. If it ends up being an experience where the both of you thoroughly enjoyed yourselves and he wants to keep going, it may eventually become emotionally burdening. You can be attached to a routine just as much as you can be attached to a person. If you become attached to both, all parties involved have a problem. This isn’t a situation where one can be dependent on the other.

Are You Going To Eventually Become A Burden To Him?

You can speak your mind, but how far do you think it’s really going to get you? If he wanted to leave his girlfriend, he would and you would have no underlying issues other than “Is this worth my while? What if he sucks?”

Another boundary you can’t cross is giving him an ultimatum; he’s free to do whatever he wants, if that is eventually going to get you all tangled up inside, then you shouldn’t have taken the ride in the first place.

Will He Eventually Become A Burden To You?

If he’s persistent upon making it a habit and you feel differently, the persistence may not stop and there might be some tension. The friendship, work relationship or relations in general are going to get uncomfortable. I know the point is not to have any feelings involved, but there may have to be some preliminary discussion as to how this will all be carried out.

Will You Regret It?

Think long and hard about this. Once you’ve done it, it cannot be taken back. You can pretend that you’ll both forget about it and move on, but you won’t. If you are the type of person who has always abided by the rules and wants to go against their principles for the moment, I wouldn’t start here. It may eventually bother you that you acted so out of your character. Not even that you’ve played a hand in intruding in someone else’s relationship.

Would You Want It Happening To You?

The million dollar question, which is clearly a given. Here’s where I am biased, though I’m not supposed to be as a journalist. However, I also have to be transparent and I will do just that to clarify. And no, I’m not implying that I don’t want to be cheated on, but have no remorse sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend.

I’ve been cheated on by a few boyfriends, mainly by one for almost five years. Obviously that’s a long time to deal with the same b*llshit over and over again. He also couldn’t cover it up to save his life and it was actually embarrassing.

You can be the girl that digs for evidence in cell phones and social media pages, or you can live with a foundation of trust. If you’re the one that digs, you’re always going to find something that displeases you. It’ll consume your thoughts, you will make up “what if scenarios” in your head and even if he weren’t cheating, in your mind, he is. It’s already over at that point because as women, we’re always right and good luck to your man in efforts to defend himself.

I used to be the girl who dug and I always found something. But after all the years of screaming and mistrust, I learned that people are going to do what people are going to do. It is pretty ridiculous to get into a serious committed relationship because you might not be committed to your morals yet. You have plenty of time to develop and apply them. This is the age to figure it out.

Yes, we don’t want anyone to get hurt. But does that mean we have to sacrifice what we want all the time on someone else’s behalf? To respect a relationship that may not be that entirely serious if this guy is trying to jump your bones night and day anyway. I’m not trying to create a following of cheaters, but again, people are going to do what people are going to do. You can resist it or you can get your head on straight about it.

My philosophy, and only because it’s been done to me countless times, is what you don’t know won’t hurt you. I heed the same warning to any boyfriend as I did to the one whom for the life of him, could not keep it in his pants: I’m not going to babysit you. Do whatever it takes to cover your tracks because if I find out, you’re going to be sorry.

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