Decoding: Women's Language

by Robert Anthony

The differences between men and women is a tremendously popular topic, especially when it comes to decoding women’s language.  One of the most intriguing questions that we have for women is “Why don’t women just say what they mean?” Women use metaphors, analogies, nothing is spoken directly, questions are rhetoric and everything has multiple meanings.

No wonder men have no clue what women expect from them! Yes, women know how to introduce ideas and alternatives through the back door. Men are basic, women are details. Details, details, details…

Who didn’t experience those moments when you felt that talking to a brick wall is more constructive than talking to your wife/husband, boyfriend or girlfriend? Men and women simply don’t communicate in the same way, particularly under stress. When a woman had a bad day, she is nervous or simply agitated, communication becomes stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

This is a decoding list that features ten dangerous phrases and words women from all over the world love to use when they are tensed up.

10. "You are not wearing THAT, are you?"

Even if it looks like a question, this phrase is actually a suggestion or an order, depending on the woman’s mood. It’s quite a dangerous phrase, because if men don’t know how to react appropriately, it is usually followed by a looong discussion.

The meaning of “You are not wearing THAT, are you?” could be either a.) she does not like it or b.) it is not appropriate for the occasion. Regardless the case, the translation of this seemingly rhetoric question is “YOU’RE NOT WEARING THAT!”, so run and change before you get no sex tonight.

9. "What are you doing? Do you have to do this now?"

According to your wife or girlfriend, what you are doing in that moment is stupid and unimportant. She has other plans for you. It is useless to start a discussion because you aren't gonna win that argument. No matter how you answer this tricky question, you will immediately find yourself driving down to your home’s nearest supermarket, shopping center, Home Depot etc. Men always want to be right, but women sabotage their success.

8. "Listen to me! Are you listening?"

Women are the king of “You don’t understand”, “You don’t listen”, “No one listens to me anymore”. If your girlfriend or wife has something to say, pay attention, otherwise she will just get really, really upset and you will end up regretting it. This will lead to you getting no sex tonight.

When women use the phrase “Listen to me!”, you are still on safe ground, she is giving you a second chance to engage in the conversation. But when she is using “Are you listening???”, you are dead. She will most likely make sure the evening is going to be unpleasant. Take these two dangerous phrases as prior warnings.

7. "Do you know what day today is?"

Birthday, one week anniversary, one month anniversary, one year anniversary…engagement anniversary, wedding anniversary, international women’s day … some women celebrate anything and everything they can tie a significant meaning to. If your wife or girlfriend is part of this category and you forget the anniversary, you are screwed. She will forgive you, but she won’t forget it.

6. "You’re right, I should do that..."

No matter what you asked, she reacts as if she is accepting it, but actually, she is not! It’s a challenge. She will make sure you will pay for this later and you will be sorry! By paying, I mean both material and immaterial retribution.

5. "The decision is yours"

Women will set you up and unknowing, you will fall into the traps. When women use this phrase, they dare their partners to make the decision, but it is not an empowerment. Women test if you have got the courage to cross the line. For your own sake, you better not make this decision alone as this will lead to no sex tonight.

4. "Nothing"

When a man asks a woman what’s wrong and she says “Nothing” it really means “Nothing, unless you care to listen and give me an opportunity to talk.” Of course, there is also the dangerous side of “nothing”. When a woman says nothing’s wrong that means everything’s wrong. The “Nothing Syndrome” is the calm before the avalanche of complaints.

3. "Is there anything new you want to try in bed tonight?"

Think, think really hard before answering! Regardless of what you are coming up with, she may snap at you and here comes the cross-examination. She will get suspicious. Unfortunately, you don’t have the right to remain silent and anything you say can and will be used against you. This is a tricky one.

2. "Whatever/K"

Whatever…a classic among classics, a verbal weapon used by both men and women. When a woman says “whatever” during a fight, it means that she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore and she is pissed off beyond belief. "Whatever" secretly means I will get you back for this one day.

1. "We need to talk"

This phrase is dangerous and if you hear it, you’re in trouble! Seinfeld’s George Costanza, one of the funniest characters in sitcom, once said “we need to talk” is “the worst four words in the English language”. Well, in any language. Your wife or girlfriend is about to lose her mind. She has had it and SHE wants to talk. It is the typical meeting of relationships: a time when a polite ultimatum is given, generally followed by a less polite ultimatum, then a threat. You will most likely be losing your hall pass after you hear this.