Gentlemen are a dying breed. It’s only a matter of time until we’re on the cover of National Geographic with a caption that reads, "In danger of extinction."
In modern-day dating, that is unfortunately what we've been reduced to in the naked female eye; we’re nothing but animals. Now, if that term seems a little rough around the edges, guess what? You’re probably one of the few gentlemen still roaming the earth.
They don’t make them like us anymore, and if you agree, you’re definitely one of us. Gentlemen are like a secret society, and I use the term "secret" because it seems as though we don’t even exist. It’s about time we change that.
Notice I’m addressing this to the gentlemen, and I’m positive that many of us are still out there. I know the frustration of being set aside; it hurts even more when down the road, you see the same girl getting her heart broken by the guy she chose over you.
As a relationship life coach, I’m going to speak from experience on this one. If there’s someone on your radar, doing these three things will definitely get you considered as a potential mate.
I. Be different
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: All men are the same, all the good ones are taken, and (my personal favorite) when am I going to meet Mr. Right?! Sounds familiar, right?
Of course, it’s all you see from frustrated girls on your news feed. So if we use our common sense, logic dictates that we need to act differently from the established norm.
Doing the same thing over and over again is only going to produce the same results. Thinking that the outcome is going to change is the exact definition of insanity. So how can you counteract and work the odds in your favor?
Send a "good morning" or "have a great day" text; remember her favorite things; invite her to coffee or lunch to stand out in a positive light. Set yourself apart from the rest; that’s the best way to get noticed, and when you have her attention, the probabilities of landing your dream girl skyrocket.
Many great relationships have a solid foundation based on friendship. Establish it early, and you’re going to shine brightly in her eyes. I guarantee it’s going to land you some real estate in her mind, which is ultimately where you want to be.
This superhuman ability is easily overlooked, and yet so easy to execute. How many times have you heard a girl complain about the fact that men just don’t listen?
If the answer is never, then you’re not listening, either. Here’s a fact: Women love to talk about anything and everything. We, however, don’t like to listen that often (or for that long). It may feel like you’re shaving against the grain on this one, but the end result is definitely worth it.
Have you seen the Klondike commercial of the guy who has to endure six seconds of listening if he wants to get that delicious chocolate?
Think of lending your ears as a small victory every single time. Girls love the small details, and listening definitely falls under that category.
If she finds out that you’re more than willing to listen to whatever she has to say, you’re the one who’s going to have her attention, and guess what? Time spent with you isn’t time spent with someone else. Think about it.
III. Don’t be an assh*le
I want to put an end to a myth once and for all: Nice guys don't finish last.
It’s time we eradicate that preconceived notion from not just our own minds, but society's in general. Women have this misconstrued image of the "bad boy," when in reality, it’s the nice guy they subconsciously want.
Ask any woman and she will tell you she absolutely adores being prioritized. Women love being placed at the front of the line in a man’s life because it makes them feel appreciated in every sense of the word.
Bad boys rarely do this unless there's something in it for them. To a nice guy, however, it comes naturally. So why does this batch of excellent suitors get overlooked and friend-zoned? They fall victim to the reputation previously established by the bad boy.
A bad boy has a tendency to break hearts and cause emotional distress. From a psychological standpoint, this behavior can be taxing on a woman's feelings. As a result, it makes the nice guy guilty until proven innocent, which means he has to work twice as hard to earn a woman’s trust and affection.
Moreover, there is a shadow of doubt cast over them even before their attempt to ask for a woman’s phone number; it’s a vicious cycle. How can this trend come to an end? Stop being an assh*le.
This brings me back to the frustration that haunts gentlemen everywhere. We literally embody most of the characteristics that women these days deem necessary all over social media, yet we get skipped for what seems to be a lower register of men.
When you are the best option available and you’re still not chosen, it leaves room for endless questioning. This can be applied not just to dating, but to life in general.
The next thing you know, you’re doubting your self-worth, which may lead to lowering said standards and taking your frustrations out elsewhere, perhaps with a partner of lower quality than you’re used to dating.
However, there's a flip side to every coin.
If you’re a woman reading this, chances are you’ve had your share of relationships. Some of those might have been successful and others I’m sure were a complete disaster.
Now think about this for a second: How many men have suffered the consequences of being the guy that follows the man who completely destroyed her hopes of finding Mr. Right?
Odds are the average woman has had at least three gentlemen slip right through her fingers because Mr. Right Now cheated or simply didn’t have his heart in the right place.
It’s called generalizing, and it hurts the nice guy. Generalizing can spread like a virus, and it will undoubtedly infect the majority of men, leaving us gentlemen in the dark.
What is really happening is that the guys who have done little to no wrong will now be stifled with the "guilty until proven innocent" stigma because so many others have had no clue how to properly court and love a woman.
You're all capable of doing this at one point or another, but I'll have you know it's not your fault; it's ours. It's 2014, and we should know how to treat women by now, so from now on, pick a gentleman and let him show you how it's done.
Let’s be honest and not kid ourselves: Most of us (regardless of gender) have a hard time seeing something good come our way, even if it slapped us across the face.
I come out in defense of the gentleman because we are the men who have a harder time shedding predisposition about who we are, even before we get a chance to reveal our true selves.
I reiterate: We are a dying breed. It’s getting harder and harder to rid ourselves of the camouflage that our clueless peers are unconsciously draping over the rest of us. So through these words, I reach out to women all over the globe with hopes of finding a good man. I encourage you not to give up on your personal journey to finding happiness.
As for my fellow gentlemen, nice guys will never finish last. They will always get the girl. The right girl.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It