Why Asking A Girl Where She Wants To Eat Is The Most Useless Question Of All
Asking a girl where and what she wants to eat is a question as old as time. You might think you're making things easier by asking her to choose, but in reality, you are just throwing yourself into a whirlwind of confusion and utter frustration.
This video accurately sums up what it is like to take part in one of these conversation and is crucial to view before proceeding with the remainder of this article. (Don't worry; it's only 11 seconds long.)
As you can see, it isn't that simple. But why?!
We don't want to seem too picky.
Why can't we females make a decision? Well, the answer is that we can, but we don't want to appear as high-maintenance.
Instead, we tell you, "I don't care." The joke is sadly on us because we obviously do care and will have no problem rejecting every suggestion you throw out.
Instead of tossing out a few possible suggestions, we revert to this default line and wait for you to finally offer up something worth ruining our diet over.
We don't want you to know about our weird food tendencies.
"Hold the onions, dressing on the side... Oh! And no mayonnaise, please!"
Sure, we may not truly be gluten-free, but a lot of us are carb-free. Judge us all you want, but in reality, you should be thanking us -- especially if your goal is to get our clothes off at the end of the day.
Females do a bunch of weird sh*t when it comes to eating. We cut our food into minuscule pieces; we chew it 30 times before swallowing it, and we make modifications to a dish so that it is completely unrecognizable by the time it emerges from the kitchen. Whatever, #NoShame.
We don't want you to see how little self-control we actually have.
If we don't opt for a healthy option, there is a 150 percent chance we will be devouring whatever is on your plate, our plate and probably the plate of the people dining next to us. No one -- I repeat, no one -- can't resist the temptation of perfectly crispy french fry.
Lord knows, if you don't tell the waitress not to bring the bread basket over before the meal, there is no going back once we get our hands on that freshly baked roll.
The only way we can hope to exhibit some form of self-control is if there are no available options to distract us.
We want to pretend we care about your feelings, too.
We don't actually give a sh*t about what you want to eat, but we have to pretend we do so as to not come off as too bitchy. We are always keeping score, so if we give you this minor victory, we know we can ask for something major in the future.
Doesn't it make us look like little saints if we let you pick the restaurant instead of nagging you about our fake dietary restrictions? Don't we look so easy going this way? Don't you want to hang out with us more? Exactly...
We actually have no idea what we want to eat.
More often than not, we don't even know what it is we do want to eat. The one thing we do know is what we don't want, but only after you've thrown your suggestions out there.
Sure, this makes us seem crazy and unreasonable, but how else are we supposed to go about the process of elimination?
Besides, we women are pretty damn indecisive. Honestly, there are a ton of items we would love to feast on, but we just won't: cheeseburgers, milkshakes, buffalo wings.
You name it, in an ideal world, we'd eat it. Unfortunately, the calories do count, and thus, we sit with our sad salads.
When in doubt...
The quickest way to a girl's heart is through her stomach, and what does she want in her stomach at all times? Sushi.
You can never, ever go wrong with suggesting sushi as a meal. It doesn't matter if it's 11 in the morning; a girl will eat her spicy tuna roll with a gigantic smile on her face.
So, when in doubt, always, always suggest sushi.
For more of her thoughts, humor and ridiculous opinions follow Ashley Fern on Instagram and Twitter.
Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr