Settling Down: 5 Traits Men Look For In Women To Balance Them Out
While some men might be willing to sleep with just about anyone with a pulse, a much different logic accompanies many a single guy who wants to give up the bachelor life and finally settle down.
Everyone (man or woman) is entitled to have his or her fun before deciding to enter a committed relationship.
The problem occurs when a guy has been with many women before deciding to cool down, so he tries to mix and match her best characteristics to find a happy medium, the perfect partner.
Women and men constantly try to create their perfect counterparts; however, the man’s basic checklist can be limited to five key points. While I am a proponent for letting life just happen, I’d be lying if I said these subconscious thoughts were not part of the process:
1. Looks: Hot Vs. Classy
Let’s get the most superficial characteristic out of the way first: looks. While everyone likes to lie and pretend looks don’t matter, they do.
There has to be some physical attraction on some level in order to spark interest. Typically, you notice someone before you speak to him or her. The struggle for guys is in the desire to date someone who is attractive, yet respectable when it comes to looks.
Being able to pull off a classy look is a good thing, but there can be some instances when too much class turns off a man. If you are going out for the night, and your girlfriend is dressed like she’s going to a baptism, you'll probably be more inclined to let your eyes and imagination wander.
Men need and want to be stimulated, but also want to feel like they’re the only ones who know just how beautiful a woman truly is. While most men won’t admit this, there is a certain level of pride associated with knowing everyone else is attracted to his (faithful) girlfriend.
2. Intellect: Ditzy Vs. Genius
Intellect is pretty high on the importance scale, even though many women think guys are willing to look past this (keep in mind, there is a reason why George Clooney married a lawyer).
Any mature man knows that a woman who can carry herself in various situations and discuss many different topics is a smart woman. The struggle here is based on some men’s insecurities; thus, many are willing to ignore the importance of this category.
It can be difficult when a man is not the smartest person in his relationship, which strictly boils down to pride.
Some men can’t or don’t want to be with women who are intellectually superior, which is an odd way to gauge compatibility, especially if you want to continually to grow and mature as a person. But, it does play a role.
Some men would rather have a psychological advantage over a significant other than be forced to learn and grow, simply because it is easier and allows them to remain in control.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are the "ditzy" characteristics that can humanize even the most genius of women.
Men are weird creatures in that they inherently like to be dominant in basically every category, including intellect. So, when a woman at least appears as if she requires a man’s knowledge, it helps boost his ego.
Simple things, such as asking for advice or not knowing about something inconsequential, can go a long way in making a man feel like his mind is valuable to the relationship, too. Ideally, partners are on the same intellectual level, but often, things don't work out this way.
3. Sex: Freak Vs. Virgin
As we get older, sexual chemistry becomes more and more important, to both sexes. Guys who are looking to settle down must realize it is no longer about how many women they can sleep with.
A man who is ready to get in a committed relationship needs to fill that sexual void with — you guessed it — good sex (however he may define it). If you lack sexual chemistry from the start, you are heading down a long road.
With that said, everyone has personal preferences for between the sheets and trying to find a happy medium between the two of your desires is the best possible scenario.
While fun and exhilarating, men typically aren’t looking for wild stories to take to their graves when it comes to settling down. If you start dating a woman who, right off the bat, wants you to do wild stuff, you might get scared about what things will look like down the road.
On the other end of the spectrum, men (and women) don’t want a boring, go-through-the-motions sex life. There has to be some adventure, something to look forward to, romantically.
If your potential significant other is afraid to express herself to you or show any sort of emotion in bed, you will eventually want to find that elsewhere.
4. Spontaneity: Boring Vs. Thrill Seeker
Much like sex, spontaneity, or “regular” chemistry, in a relationship is extremely important as well, but on a much less intimate level.
Forget sharing common goals or hobbies; this is about being able to have the time of your life, in your down time. Anyone can plan a great time or a vacation. Everyone’s comfort level varies depending on how spontaneous he or she is willing to be.
Some guys love boring; the idea of just sitting around, watching a movie and sharing a dinner is the life for them.
As long as you two are together, you could be watching paint dry, and it’s a fantastic evening. They need to find the women willing to do that. If they skew too far opposite of where they are, they risk of being the anchor in the relationship.
Other guys want to pick up and have adventures with their girlfriends at the drop of a dime; do something they’ve never done before without any planning or even thinking. Again, when you skew too far from where you feel comfortable, you run the risk of being stuck with an anchor.
In any scenario, when either person becomes said anchor, it is usually the beginning of the end of the relationship. I truly believe that either end of the spectrum is fine, as long as you are both on the same page.
5. Sustainability: Needy Vs. Independent
How self-sufficient a woman is can be a slippery slope when it comes to the male thought process. One act or sentence can sway the pendulum ever so slightly, where it just doesn’t work out.
Most men (good men) genuinely want to take care of a woman in some form or another. Much like with intellect, men pride themselves on being able to be good boyfriends/husbands/partners and want the responsibility of being needed.
However, if a woman is too needy and can’t do anything for herself, it becomes a task, almost like a job. Eventually, this takes its toll on a man. With that said, some guys love being the glue that holds everything together in her life because they then hold all the power.
On the other end of the scale, men can still be relatively insecure when it comes to a woman’s independence. A woman who can and does do everything for herself (and is great at it) can come across as intimidating to a man who is not comfortable with himself.
I am not saying that fiercely independent and self-reliant qualities are negative in a woman, by any means. What I am saying, candidly, is most men won’t venture so far up the scale because it means that simply “being a man” isn’t good enough. A man must prove and show how he can be a good boyfriend, husband and partner.
Unfortunately, this proves to be too much of a daunting task for most men.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of Elite Daily.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It