The 15 Things A Good Wingman Must Execute

by Eddie Cuffin

What better way to help one of your friends go through a rough period in his life than by helping him get laid? Being the ultimate wingman is what every crew needs.

No one said this job was easy. It requires a certain amount of skill and sometimes it may require you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do. In the end it’s for a good cause. You must be open to everything and understand that your ultimate goal is to get your friend laid.

We have seen countless situations of bad wingmanning and thought it would be helpful to provide you guys with a guide. Here are the 15 Things A Good Wingman Must Execute.

15. When it's time to accept his duty as wingman, he must accept the fact that he is going to do some deplorable things, fabricate the truth and cover costs just to get you into the sack.

14. This is a no holds barred situation. If he has to take the bullet go ahead and let him. He eats the box no matter how big her friend is.

13. He'll recount stories of the time you saved a baby from a burning building, the time you built the children's hospital on Borocay and even that time you wrestled an alligator. Your legend is more important than anything right now.

12. He does not mind looking like a fool in front of a group of girls to distract them while you whisk your new fling over to the bathroom for approximately 7 - 9 1/2 minutes.

11. He must recognize that his goal is one thing, and one thing only. Even if he has to take you to the whorehouse in Korea town at 4AM.

10. He must be willing to front the bill as no time can be wasted fumbling over who got more mojitos. This is execution time.

9. He plays the role of the best listener in the world. It's easy as he tunes in only at the end of every sentence to regurgitate what she just said in the form of a question.

8. Even when you come back from the bathroom with your hair disheveled and grinning ear to ear, he'll make mention, but not dwell on the fact that you both just had unprotected sex on top of a toilet. So classy.

7. When making moves to exit, he will never ask where you're going. Don't alert the shitty friends that their sorority sister is about to be gripping onto mink blankets and 1200 count Egyptian cotton sheets.

6. He will go as far as lighting a fire indoors to distract all cock blockers. Shock and awe is a necessity.

5. Sometimes he's going to have to take home the ugly girl before you can close just so that odds are in your favor.

4. He will stop you at all costs from calling your ex, eating street food or any other distractions which will inhibit you from closing on another girl tonight.

3. The wingman is the most dedicated social animal on this planet. He will not bring home another woman until he's secured the deed and you have had sex.

2. He will give them your business card, sell them into the dream, give them 2 shots of tequila, then politely bring them over to you in the club.

1. He will secretly bring in an escort to the club and plant her in there to get you laid. What's $5,000 for your best friend's happiness?

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