Dear Women, It Turns Out Gentlemen Aren't Mythical Creatures

by Jessica Wendroff

Everyone has an opinion on the existence of Bigfoot, El Chupacabra, and other mythical creatures, but I believe in the existence of another mythical creature -- the Gentleman. Recently, I caught a glimpse of this rare species. 

Yes, the mythical Gentleman. OK, gentlemen aren't actual mythical beings, but they are so hard to find that they might as well be classified as such. A gentleman is the Chewbacca of the male species: He's loyal, friendly and fun. A gentleman has manners, respect and a good heart.

I spotted one of these legendary beings in Queens a few weeks ago. He didn't run from me when I approached. In fact, he waited calmly next to his car for me. I felt like I was in front of a real-life centaur. This just could not be real. But it was.

Here's what I've discovered since I started dating a gentleman.

Gentlemen don't fear the phone

The phone is the f*ckboy's kryptonite: He wants nothing to do with hearing your voice or having a conversation. Gentlemen, however, are all about this.

Unlike other breeds, gentlemen don't have a specific mating call. But they like to use their voice. It can make a gentleman's day to hear your voice, laughter and smile. If you are having a bad day, he won't mind if you hit him up for some intimate cheer-up time on the phone.

This species is so loving that it should be no surprise if you also receive a "good morning" and "good night" text from him.

Gentlemen don't lift up your shirt; they pull down your skirt

Unlike other animals who jump on each other to mate, these gentle creatures wait to have sex until you feel comfortable. They're sensitive to how you feel, and if you're not ready, they won't pressure you to do anything you don't want.

This breed of men has more patience than any other. The gentleman won't mind postponing sex; he knows you're worth the wait.

Gentlemen aren't afraid to play rough with you, but they're gentle at heart

Gentlemen put ladies first in the streets AND in the sheets. They'll give you forehead kisses and gently brush your hair out of your face when the wind blows. But they also know how to tug on the same strands they brushed aside and (respectfully) smack that ass.

Since gentlemen are all about healthy relationships, they'll try their best to make you happy. They'll give in to your freaky or modest ways. In other words -- and depending on what you want -- they'll happily break out either handcuffs or the Bible.

They'll make compromises for you.

Gentlemen are loyal

Gentlemen like to know what you're up to during the day. They actually miss you when you're away from them. They care deeply about you and would never dream of cheating on you.

They probably share a common ancestor with dogs, since both creatures are incredibly loyal.

Gentlemen make you feel beautiful

Unlike other men who say things just to get in your pants, these guys actually mean what they say. They put real thought into every word. Sometimes just the way they stare at you is enough to make you grin from ear to ear.

Once, when the creature I encountered was just staring at me, I asked, "What are you doing?" No one ever looked at me the way he did. He said, "What? I can't look at you?"

And he wasn't just looking; he was actually seeing me. It felt like he was looking right through me. That look made me feel like I was Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of beauty.

If you ever run into a gentleman, be prepared to feel constantly appreciated and complimented, even if with just a simple glance.

Gentlemen come in all shapes and sizes

The species is hard to identify. Not all gentlemen share the same habitat. They also vary in appearance. Gentlemen can have various heights, shapes, sizes and colors. They don't all have hooves like a centaur, fur like Bigfoot or one defining physical feature. Instead, they all have the same type of heart: A heart that is open to complimenting your needs, both emotional and physical.

You should be cautious when seeking out this rare, handsome species, because there are many impostors in the world. And gold-plated hearts are definitely not the same as hearts of gold.

At the end of the day, everyone has a romantic Bigfoot roaming around out there. All you have to do is find him.

Here's to hoping yours comes with a Loch Ness Monster in his pants. But that's another story.