Navigating sexual relationships in your 20s can be tough, rough and downright awkward. We've been in your shoes. And as Jay Z once said, “Hov did that so hopefully you wouldn't have to go through that.”
What I'm trying to say is, we take the hit so you don't have to. In that spirit, Elite Daily sat down with two experts on the subject of sexual exploration, Murf Meyer and Diana Kolsky. The married couple are hosts of Ménage à Trois Radio, along with UCB comedy hosts and performers. They can also be seen on The Chris Gethard Show, and have been featured in Penthouse.
Between the two of them, they've been through every kind of sexual peak and valley. Here are some of their tips for navigating the crule world of sexploration in your 20s:
Find Your Lid
As Diana put it, “There's a lid for every pot; find your lid.” A big portion of our 20s is spent trying to mold someone to fit our sexual preferences, or being modeled in someone else's sexual image. Enough is enough.
There are too many people on this blue marble to waste time with someone who is not on your same sexual page. “If you're with someone who doesn't like a lot of the sexual things you like, find someone else,” Says Murf.
Get out there and find the lid that's right for your pot.
Keep It 100
When it comes to the bedroom, Murf says to stay truthful. “Straight up honesty, no bullsh*t; you're never going to get what you want if you're timid.”
He's right; your 20s are meant for sexual exploration. When asked about the sexual regrets of her 20s, Diana said: “I spent my 20s hoping stuff would happen and it wouldn't. Just state your needs.”
The moral of the story is this: Be proactive in your sex life. If you want to do something, say something. If your partner is into it, they're into it. If they're not, they're not. Talk about it before you try it.
As Murf put it, “15 seconds of awkwardness is better than 15 minutes of awkwardness.”
Curb Your Infatuation
Living through your 20s is a nearly-universal human experience. What's different is the era we come of age in. Baby Boomers and Gen X didn't have social media or online dating to suffer through during the formative years of adulthood.
Diana has a simple tip: “Don't online stalk!” We know social media makes cyberstalking incredibly tempting. The 20-somethings of this age have to practice a restraint that is unparalleled.
Young lovers of times past would have been just as bad as Millennials when it comes to social media. Imagine Romeo and Juliet; they would have been insufferable online. They would Facebook stalked the sh*t out of each other. They would constantly post cryptic messages, and ultimately change their relationship status to, “Dying For You.” But back to the reality.
The Murf man recommends turning off the screens and meeting people in person like it was done in the old country. “Nothing beats sitting down with a person and looking in their eyes.” Right on, Murf!
Sex Gets Better With Age
Murf and Diana put our fears to bed and confirmed that sex, in fact, does get better with age. We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. But things do change; it's quality over quantity. “When you're in your 20s, you can f*ck like rabbits. When you're older you f*ck more like cougars,” which sounds nice.
Cougars are so much sexier than rabbits, right?
According to Murf, some positions might be off limits the older you get. Throwing your back out while 69ing is something that may happen. So as you get older, take a cue from Usher and do it "Nice and Slow."
Don't Go Straight To The Bedroom
It's almost second nature to immediately run to the bedroom once sexual urges make their presences known, but Murf and Diana advise young people to start the action away from the home field.
This is the best way to build up anticipation and keep growing relationships exciting.
Make It Last Forever
As we age, sex, unfortunately, can start to take a back seat. But according to Murf and Diana, it doesn't have to. We are often made to believe our 20s is the best decade of our lives, and it's assumed there's nothing to look forward to after that.
As someone slapping 30 in the back of the neck, I can attest to that fear. But remember, your 20s are not the end; they're the beginning.
Your 20s is when you lay down your sexual foundation. It's the cornerstone of the rest of your sexual lives. Never expect to stop having fun. As Murf and Diana advocate: Never stop having sex. It will change over time, as all things do, but if you make your sexual self a top priority, it can last forever.
In the immortal words of Johnny Knoxville's "Bad Grandpa," "You might get too old to stuff the envelope but you can still lick the stamp."
Stay horny, my friends.