Many of us have been in a situation where we have a hot friend who is a wonderful human being, and on more than one occasion, we’ve thought to ourselves, “…if only you weren’t my friend, the things I would do to you.” Then there is that little discouraging afterthought that says, “What are you thinking? He (or she) is your friend. Stop it.” There are a million opinions on whether or not friends can be “just friends” and still hook up with each other, and if it is morally a good decision. The question stands: Can we be lovers and friends?
The answer my friends is yes, we most certainly can. But should we? Think about it carefully. Our generation as a whole simply does not believe in love, nor do they understand the importance of building strong, meaningful relationships. As a culture, we are down for a one or two night(s) stand any day, but everlasting trust and commitment? Not so much. This is part of the reason why friends-with-benefits can exist. We can detach ourselves, and not get the emotions in a tangle.
You might say, “You just answered your own question. We don’t involve emotions, so it is okay to get-it-in with my bestie.” Wrong! As you continue to sleep with that person, something deep inside starts to twist. Because we are avoiding attaching any romantic feelings toward this person, we begin to lose sight of what they mean to us in the first place.
We cold-hearted mother-effers have not learned to value other people like we should. A “best friend” is a best friend because over time, we come to love them. Of course it is different from romantic love, but it is love nonetheless. If you decide to sleep with this person, one of two things will most likely happen: you WILL fall in love (which is a whole other article in itself) or you will completely break the bond that holds you two together.
It is never okay to play with someone’s heart, nor is it right to cheat yourself out of a decent relationship. You will never be able to control the way someone feels or acts. Therefore, if they start to fall for you or you end up falling for them, it is your own fault for engaging in something you knew you were not ready for.
Heartbreak is one of the most difficult events a person can go through. If you have ever been betrayed by a friend, lover or family member you know how difficult it can be to rebuild that connection regardless of how much you loved them previously.
You may think that if things start to go bad, then you can fix it by ending the sex, but you are setting yourself up for a hard time. It is incredibly difficult to change a person’s opinion of you once they have made up your mind. The day your friend decides you’re an asshole, they will always think so to some extent.
What is going to happen is that you are going to end up seeing this person as a toy rather than as a person to be trusted and respected. Any decent human knows that trust and respect are the most important ingredients in any relationship.
A wise man once told me, “If you have love, you do not kill and you do not destroy.” By avoiding a romantic connection, you are preventing strengthening the bond that made you friends in the first place.
In essence you are destroying it. If that person is good to you, then do not make the mistake of making them your plaything. As someone who has experienced the “friends-with-benefits” life, I can say that with certain people, it is just not worth it. Acquaintances are not true friends; therefore, they do not lie in the off-limits zone.
However, do not ruin the closest friendships you have for a couple nights of fun. Remember this: great people are the second most important thing we have in life next to ourselves. Do not let good people walk out of your life.
Photo Credit: The Paper Wall