4 Ways To Deal With Your Ex Still Wanting To Be Friends

by Camille Antonette

We all know moving on is hard, especially if he remains or demands to be friends with you right after the breakup.

Sure, it’s a “mature” thing to do. But why would you not take the time to move on first?

If he insists on being friends with you and still being together like nothing happened, why won’t he just commit then? He’s killing you over and over again with pain, using the ephemeral joy he brings.

Honey, you can do so much better than that.

Moving on is really hard, especially if you’ve invested so much of your time and effort into making things work.

It’s natural to still hold on to a feeling that abruptly ended.

You deny it to yourself, but you still can’t get over the fact that the relationship’s already over.

You still keep the friendship because for you, it’s worth the risk of burning to have a second chance.

Honey, if you try to accept the friendship, you are not just giving him a reason to take advantage of you. You're also losing respect for yourself.

In my case, I had been with an ex for over two and a half years.

I loved him very much, and I have no idea if he still does because of the mixed signals he constantly gives.

Sometimes, he’s nice. Sometimes, he’s rude.

Sometimes, he makes me feel so special, I feel like I'm being swept off my feet. Sometimes, I feel like the worst person in the world.

It’s all confusing, especially when he dates other girls and tells me about it.

Eventually, I just found myself crying myself to sleep at 3 in the morning, wetting my pillows with tears that stained the next day.

I severely hoped that one day, when we sleep together again after that passionate session at midnight, he’ll wake up right next to me at 7 in the morning.

He’ll look at me smiling, caressing my face while I sleep safe and sound. He’ll talk to himself, kiss my forehead and realize, “Damn. I still love this girl. I can’t let go of her.”

Pathetic and stupid, is it not? You can say that again.

Calling off everything with someone you’ve been with and staying friends with the person regardless is never a good idea. You will still have constant fights, makeups or breakups, dates and perhaps intimate sessions.

We all ask ourselves why we’re so foolish, we settle with the mediocrity this idiocy brings.

In case you think your ex is an assh*le, you're right.

If he respected your feelings, he would at least wait until you finally moved on from the past relationship. He would at least consider your vulnerability.

When you try to move on and become a better version of yourself, he will come back to you crying, begging on his knees because he wants you when you're not his.

Would you really let him treat you as a rag he can use when he needs you, and suddenly dump you when he’s done? Don’t.

If you ever find yourself in this situation and want to distance yourself from your ex, here are four ways to do so:

1. Cut the communication, even if it’s hard.

When you still keep the communication with your ex, chances are, he’s going to assume you’re still into him.

If you cut the communication off and keep the no-contact rule alive, he may think twice.

2. Don't reply.

I know you can't resist replying to his texts, especially if you miss him too.

I do, too.

But in order to stop the feeling and move on, focus on something that keeps you busy, like writing, going to parties, hanging out with your best buds or simply going to the gym.

3. Don't show him you miss him.

Even if you do miss him, don’t show it.

If your ex is cocky, chances are, he’s going to use that fact against you to have you wrapped around his finger again.

Do not give him the opportunity to waste you like an old burger he’s accustomed to eating.

Be like the five-star cuisine he barely eats.

4. Even if he shows you he still cares, don’t let your guard down ever again.

Despite all the things he did to you, you will still love him.

Don’t ever let your guard down, though. If you do, you’ll go back to the first step in the moving on process again and again, until he gets used to it.

He’ll think you are just going to forgive him, even if he messes up one more time.

If these tips don’t work for you as of now, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Keep trying.

I know this unsolicited piece of advice is hard.

I mean, I also spent two years (almost) before I thought of doing it, and I'm still not sure if I can withstand it, due to the intensity of my feelings.

But I’ll get over it. We'll get over it.

If you feel like you're being imprisoned in his trance forever, just look at these tips as a guideline to ensure security in your fragile heart.

You don’t have to force it. You just have to let it all in.

You are on your own crossroad of which path to choose.

The choice is in your hands. So choose wisely.