Rules Of Feminism: 4 Ways To Deal If Your Friends Still Talk To Your Ex
Breaking up with your ex is hard enough. But when your friends decide to keep in contact with him or her, it makes things that much more awkward.
Do you tell your so-called "friends" you don't want them to speak to "he who shall remain nameless?"
Or, do you let them keep the connection, and not let it get in the way of the bond you have built over the past couple of years?
The ugly truth is, you should let them keep the connection with "you know who" because it is the mature thing to do. No matter what, your friends will always choose you in the end.
It's really hard to bring somebody around your friends.
They grow to love this person just as much as you do, and then, when you decide to end things, they are forced to as well.
I know how this feels because I've been on both sides of this situation.
One of my really good friends dated this super sweet girl for a couple of years, and eventually decided to part ways. But both of us had become so close, we didn't even think twice about remaining friends.
We texted, kept each other on social media and even went out together.
When I approached my friend about her and I being friends, he said he didn't mind it at all. He was happy I was still friends with her.
Men are definitely different when it comes to things like that.
They couldn't care less if you still talk and go get your nails done together. They just go with the flow.
Women, however, have a harder time with their friends being friends with their ex.
I don't know if it's because women are instinctively more territorial, or because we truly don't know how to deal with it.
Here is how I've learned to deal with my friends being friends with my ex, without losing my BFFs:
1. You're mature enough to deal with it.
Being an adult means there isn't any time for petty arguments. Fighting over your friends like they are the latest Drake album isn't acceptable.
Accept and acknowledge the fact that they are going to be friends because truly, it doesn't matter if you knew the ex first.
2. Set some boundaries. It shouldn't be a free-for-all.
After breaking off a relationship, the wound is still fresh. The last thing you need to see is a picture of your friends with your ex on Insta.
Make sure your friends know you're okay with it, but you need some time to adjust.
Explain that trying to get the whole gang to hang out right away isn't going to happen.
3. It's okay to talk to your friends about your ex, even though they're friends with him or her.
This should go without saying.
It's only natural you would want to vent to your friends about the person who ruined your life.
Don't feel like you can't tell them anything without them running and spilling your secrets.
If they do run and tell, they were never your friends to begin with.
You certainly don't have room in your life for people like that.
4. If your friends and ex hanging out really isn't working out for you, speak up.
The worst thing you can do is bottle up how you truly feel.
You don't have to be okay with them being friends, but you also shouldn't say you're okay with it if you're not.
Be an adult.
Express how you feel, but also remember to put yourself in your friends' shoes. Take into consideration how they feel.
Ending your relationship with your ex can be the end of the world for a while.
But your friends being friends with him or her shouldn't have to be.