The Pain Of Realizing Your 'Forever' Was Never Really Your Forever At All
I met a girl once. She changed my life. Whether for better or for worse is still to be decided -- I won’t be able to decide until the last domino falls.
We split years ago, but not until recently did I have to accept that it was actually over.
I held onto the idea that one day we would find each other and finally be ready to make it work, to start our lives together, to be happy.
Even though I was the one to break things off, I never completely let go. It took some time for me to realize how much she meant to me, how much she changed my life.
Most recently, I experienced another sharp change in my reality. I was under the impression I would love this woman forever, that our lives would forever be intertwined.
Although that may possibly have been the case, I now realize I can’t allow it.
I can’t let myself love her forever because it will destroy me. We have two sets of realities that we must deal with.
We have the world outside of us and we have the reality within us.
It’s possible to love someone your entire life without ever ending up together.
It’s possible for the reality that you’ve created inside your head, the love that you feel, to coexist with a physical reality that greatly differs.
You can love someone forever without ever having that love returned. When you conclude that this is the destiny awaiting you, you have to force yourself in a different direction -- force a shift in your reality.
Could I love her forever? Yes. Will we be together, ever? No. Sometimes "forever" isn’t really forever.
Loving is a decision -- and so is not loving.
Your world -- your reality -- is composed of your thoughts and emotions. The two are closely related, but differ. Our thoughts consist of our beliefs, ideas, dreams and wishes.
What we want out of life and how we want to spend the little time we have, all makes us the individuals we are.
Our thoughts are what trigger our emotions. We either think and feel or perceive, then think and feel. It all starts with what we allow our minds to focus on.
When you realize that the forever you had in mind isn’t a possibility, you need to change your way of thinking. Some people find a way to hate the person they love(d). Unfortunately, not all of us have that luxury.
Sometimes you can’t hate him or her because there is nothing to hate -- other than the fact that he or she doesn’t love you. And it’s difficult to hate someone for not doing something.
Nevertheless, you don't have to change the way you think so much as what or whom you think about. This is why people like distractions so much.
However, most of what we believe to be a distraction ends up doing more harm than good.
If you don’t want to think about the "forever" that you just lost then catch yourself every time that you do, and think about something else.
The deeper the love, the more difficult and painful it will be to break yourself free of it.
I’ve been in love for a decade, so I likely have a lot more work to do than most of you. But if I can manage to make it through this -- and I will -- so can you.
In any case, the more you love this individual, the more difficult it will be to move on with your life. You don’t know agony until you’ve seen your "forever" die in front of your eyes.
It isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a suffering that takes over your entire reality time and time again before burrowing back into the depths of your soul, waiting for a trigger to call it forth once more.
It’s going to be difficult -- there’s no sugarcoating it. The deeper the love, the more focus will be required to make that shift in reality that you need to make. It’s going to hurt and it’s going to hurt a hell of a lot.
But as someone once told me: There is beauty in all that we experience in life -- both the good and the bad. The only way to live happily is to see all the shades of beauty for what they are and embrace them as your own.
Your reality is your life; take control of it or risk it taking you down a dark path.
This is your life. It’s a reality that exists in your mind and your mind alone. No one else can alter it for you -- you have to take charge and make things happen for yourself.
Making such a change in our realities is incredibly difficult -- especially when it comes to love. Love has a way of changing our reality as a whole, making us understand and perceive things differently.
But there is one thing that I will say… no matter how much it tears me up inside to see how things have played out, I wouldn’t change my past.
I will never wish I hadn't fallen for her because, without her, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Which is actually sort of funny if you think about it; she helped create a person she has no future with. But I do have a future ahead of me -- a great future. And so do you if you allow yourself to.
You can’t let the pain and agony keep you down. Believe me, it will do its best to drag you through the mud, to bury you alive.
We’re stronger than that. This is a fight each of us is capable of winning. The key is to put up a fight. I know how enticing it can be to allow the pain you feel to carry you away. It makes us feel alive. It makes us feel… real.
Life is but a boundless possibility. You can crawl into a hole and hope that the world ends or you can live. You can cry, scream, and punish yourself, or you can force another reality upon yourself.
You have the strength and the ability to do so. You just need to decide to do so, every minute of every day, until your world changes without you even realizing it.