As an introvert, spending time with people takes a lot of energy out of you. Sometimes, you would rather be alone.
Things get slightly more complicated when you develop a crush on someone. As someone who doesn't develop crushes often, I never noticed how much it sucked or how much of an internal struggle it was until it happened.
You want to spend as much time as you can with someone (in whatever capacity that may be), but you don't always have the energy to. See the problem?
I mean, it's nice to have the reminder that you're not a robot and are capable of developing feelings, but you don't always connect or click with people. So when it does happen, it's a pleasant surprise.
Having someone's presence alone make you smile isn't too bad either, but when you're an introvert with a crush, it can be draining and not always the greatest thing. Sometimes, it just plain sucks. Here are the reasons why:
1. Being alone with your crush isn't really an option.
You want to spend one-on-one time with him or her, but since you tend to talk only when you have something to say, you're not that close. The lack of conversation kills you.
Hanging out just the two of you would be pretty weird and awkward. Plus, the thought of being alone with your crush is more terrifying than enjoyable.
So, you have to settle with hanging out with your group of friends, and that means minimal time talking to him or her. It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing.
2. Conversations and small talk never come easy.
When those rare moments when you do get to talk to your crush occur, you never know what to say. You try your hardest, but you always seem to fall flat on your face.
It feels like you kill conversations the second you say something. You want to get to know each other better and want to make small talk, but you don't feel comfortable. And to be honest, you're not very good at it.
Despite this, you try anyway. You try to situate yourself so you're physically near your crush, making conversations seem a tad more natural, even though you feel incredibly awkward.
You ask about your crush's day and other basic things, but the conversation fizzles out about two exchanges later. Then, your mind goes into panic mode while trying to think of something else to say. This repeats for the rest of night (whenever your crush isn't talking to anyone else).
3. You hope your facial expressions don't give you away.
You hope your crush can't see the nervousness in your face when you try to speak to him or her because talking to people isn't your forte. When you get to know people better and get more comfortable with them, everything's smooth sailing.
As long as this crush persists, however, it's just not going to happen. Your heart rate will always increase, and you will always start sweating the second your conversation beings. C'est la vie.
4. Flirting will always seem awkward and unnatural.
Every single introvert can agree that texting is one of the best inventions ever created. You get to be social without having to be in a room with people, and you have ample time to think about your response. And let's be honest: Emojis make it much, much easier to flirt.
You take whatever excuse you can get to text him without being too obvious about your feelings, and you do whatever you can to stretch out the length of the conversation, even if it means asking a bunch of menial questions.
When I text, I feel like a completely different person. I'm more confident once the impending doom of my crush's initial facial reaction is eliminated from the equation.
I could never say these things in person, though, so it's hard to figure out whether or not what you're about to say is too weird. Because it's text, you can't see the initial reaction to know if you've gone too far.
So on one hand, I'm relieved I don't have to fear seeing my crush's facial reaction, but on the other hand, I'm freaking out for that exact same reason. Was what I just sent too weird? #Oops.
Being an introvert with a crush is no easy way to interact with people, but it's a part of life. It may suck now, but it gets better over time. (At least I hope it does.)