16 Confusing And Twisted Ways Men And Women Interpret The First Date

by Ashley Fern

Men and women have completely different mindsets when it comes to dating, which is why it's so nerve-racking and just plain confusing to understand the opposite sex.

What one thing means to one person can mean something completely and utterly different to the other and, thus, confusion is born.

Sure, each person can just take what is said at face value, but when has dating ever involved being rational? Everyone overanalyzes actions and words to some degree — whether we like to admit it or not.

So, what's a first date like through the mind of a male versus a female?

The Initial Text

Male's interpretation: "Hm, can I get away with just drinks? Nah, I probably should just splurge on dinner..."

Female's interpretation: "OMG! Dinner?! He must really like me!"

The Official Asking Out On A Date

Male's interpretation: "If I call, that'll really make me look like a stand-up guy... or a creep because who the hell uses a phone to call people these days?"

Female's interpretation: "He could've sent me a Facebook message for all I care because I AM GOING ON A DATE!"

The Confirmation Text

Male's interpretation: "Maybe I'll get laid tonight?"


The Picking Of The Restaurant

Male's interpretation: "Hmm, where should we go to get the biggest ROI?"

Female's interpretation: "AHHHH! WTF AM I GOING TO WEAR?!"

The Pre-Date Meal Conundrum

Male's interpretation: "Since I'm going to have to appear like a good-mannered man later tonight, where is the nearest Chipotle?"

Female's interpretation: "I definitely need to eat a salad or yogurt since there is a high possibility I could be naked later on today."

The Pre-Date Gchat Vent

Male's interpretation: "Ugh, dude, now I have to cut my sets short after work because I told this chick I'd take her out for drinks, so let's gym tomorrow instead."

Female's interpretation: "What if I wear this black top *inserts URL to Facebook picture* with these jeans and these shoes *inserts another URL from Facebook*? Is that too much cleavage? Is there such a thing? Stand by your phone later because I need to send you options."

The Post-Work, Pre-Date Ritual

Male's interpretation: "Maybe I should take a nap and rub one out?"

Female's interpretation: "OK. I need to leave work right at 6 so I can get a manicure, pedicure and a wax. I also need time to shower and do my hair and makeup. Do I have time for the gym? Sh*t."

The 10 Minutes Before The Date Begins

Male's interpretation: "Wow, I can't believe I slept that long, that was awesome!"

Female's interpretation: "OK, I've been ready for the past 30 minutes, but I have to be fashionably late. Let me redo my eyeliner wings and double check that I still like this outfit. Hmm, maybe I should take a few shots before I leave, too?"

The Initial Encounter

Male's interpretation: "Damn it, I can't really tell how big her boobs are in this outfit. Did she do that on purpose?"

Female's interpretation: "Wow, he is dressed very nicely, he must have put so much effort into this."

The Pre-Drink Talk

Male's interpretation: "I definitely should've taken more shots before I got here."

Female's interpretation: "I definitely should've taken more shots before I got here."

The Post-Drink Dinner Order

Male's interpretation: "Would it be rude to order a round of shots?"

Female's interpretation: "... And then after my junior year of college, I moved..."

The Dinner Order

Male's interpretation: "Please don't get a salad; please don't get a salad."

Female's interpretation: "I'll take the Filet, medium rare please."

The Awkward Waiting Period After You Order But Before Your Food Arrives

Male's interpretation: "This meal is going to cost me over $100... sh*t."

Female's interpretation: "I eat steak probably one time a year... hehe."

The Moment Of Truth: The Check

Male's interpretation: "Why is she even pretending to offer to pay?"

Female's interpretation: "How long do I have to fumble with my wallet for him to think I'm actually being sincere?"

The Now-What-Do-We-Do Shuffle

Male's interpretation: "Do I kiss her? Hug her? I definitely kiss her..."

Female's interpretation: "Is he going to kiss me or what? I hope he doesn't invite me home with him, I'm not sure I could resist that. *Must hold out* *Must hold out*"

The Post-Date Follow-Up

Male's interpretation: "I guess I'm taking her out again next week..."

Female's interpretation: "I should've slept with him."