What Your Favorite Sex Position Reveals About How You're Feeling

by Alexia LaFata

Physically, there's a lot to sex. There's the fumbling around in the dark; the naked, sweaty bodies; the grunts and thrusts; the acrobat-style positions; and the orgasm -- if you're lucky.

As the great writer Oscar Wilde once said, however, "Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." And he couldn't have been more right.

Sex is about much more than just the physical. Behind the sweatiness, the thrusting and the potential for sweet, final release are implications about power dynamics, emotions and personalities.

Of course, it doesn't have to be as serious as it sounds. The best love-making sessions involve a giant release of inhibitions.

In the bedroom, you may take on a new persona, become an exaggerated version of yourself or you may remain exactly the same.

No matter what, sex is all about going with exactly how you feel in the moment, with someone who's willing and excited to let you act upon those feelings.

And, though you probably won't realize it, your chosen sex position will reflect exactly how you're feeling, whether it's shy, lazy, affectionate, confident, frisky and/or anything in between.


If missionary is your thing, you're craving intimacy. Missionary gets a bad rap for being boring and unoriginal, but there's nothing blah about being able to stare into your partner's eyes or experience constant full-body contact and maximum levels of kissing, caressing and tenderness.

Yet, while missionary is very intimate, sex therapist Ava Cadell tells Men's Health men may default to this position because they're feeling insecure about their other moves in the sack and need face-to-face verification they're actually getting their women off. Cadell calls missionary "romantic, but not very adventurous."

Sex educator Dr. Charlie Glickman tells Cosmo, women who love this position may also be a feeling little bit reserved or shy.

Missionary gives a man more of the work, which gives a woman freedom to be a bit more passive in the bedroom, if she prefers.


A man who likes his woman on top is feeling selfless. He's a generous gentleman who's concerned with his partner's sexual needs. This is noteworthy, especially considering there's a risk cowgirl could injure his penis.

Cadell says this position gives a man the chance to be both submissive and dominant. He's either letting his woman take control of her pleasure or he's allowing himself to penetrate her as deeply as possible to maximize her chance of orgasm.

Either way, he's totally OK with doing anything he can to make his woman feel good.

...Or maybe he's just feeling lazy and prefers to lie on his back while the woman does the work; it's certainly a possibility.

Regardless of the reason, a woman who's feeling confident in herself loves when her man prefers this position.

Cowgirl gives her a chance to call the shots, have power over her pleasure and, best of all, put her entire body on display for him.

Reverse Cowgirl

Women who are feeling frisky are down for reverse cowgirl, says Dr. Glickman. It's a revealing position, but it's one offering a woman lots of control over the speed and depth of penetration. It also provides a particularly great view for a man.

And, because most men are visual creatures, craving this position means he's probably dying to get a stimulating new image of his woman.

Even more so, this position is appealing because, once again, he doesn't have to do any work.

Doggy Style

If you're doing it doggy style, you're feeling raw and animalistic, and you're choosing to forgo those intimate face-to-face moments for some good ol' fashioned penetrating.

This sex position, with its lack of eye contact and least likely chance of full-body contact, is the most impersonal, says Dr. Glickman.

But it doesn't mean it's not simulating: With doggy style, a man gets the deepest penetration, and a woman gets the most direct stimulation of her G-spot.

Therefore, when you engage in this position, you're placing more value on the physical benefits of sex than the emotional benefits.

And there's definitely nothing wrong with a little primal desire.


If you're feeling particularly friendly and affectionate, you'll enjoy having sex while spooning, says Dr. Glickman. This is a prime position for a man to whisper sweet nothings in a woman's ear, too.

Spooning is already an intimate, romantic act in that it allows a man to wrap his whole body around a woman and engage in lots of close physical contact; so once sex is thrown in, it's brought to a whole new level.

It makes sense someone who's feeling disconnected from his or her emotions might not want to have sex in this position.

Those of you feeling warm and fuzzy, though, will love it.


Engaging in this position means you're feeling adventurous. As you actually need to leave the bed to have sex while standing, the mere nature of the position feels naughty and novel.

Even standing up somewhere else in the bedroom can be the spice you're looking for in your sexual relationship.

Cadell says the thrill of getting caught is the appeal here. Your naked bodies are so much more visible when you're standing, so it's fun to imagine how easy it would be for someone to catch you and your partner in the act.

It's certainly enough to heighten the tension; it's also a great way to be exhibitionists without actually being exhibitionists.