Why Girls In The Fashion Industry Will Never Get Married

by Slater Katz

The fashion industry opens its crystal, glass doors to the prettiest Barbie doll women, carrying Birkins and wearing Burberry. The frizz-less, golden locks and ballerina bodies of women in the fashion industry are magnetizing, even jaw dropping, to men, both old and young. Sound about right? Wrong. In reality, fashion girls are living in a Vogue-clad nunnery.

Despite the fashion industry's prejudice to appealing physiques and dazzling personalities, Miley Cyrus, Amanda Bynes and LiLo combined have a better chance of meeting the man of their dreams and falling madly in love than fashion girls do. Here's why...

There Are Few Straight Men In Fashion School

Cosmo recently published a list of the worst schools to meet men: the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) listed as number one (represent!) and New York University (NYU) listed as number seven. Considering the majority of interns in the fashion industry attend FIT, NYU or some obscure city college, we're officially dubbed as screwed in the romance department.

Fashion Girls Think Bars Are Gross

Sitting on a gum-trotted wooden bench, wearing jeans and gulping down a Heineken? No, thank you. Fashion girls prefer the classier options of sipping cosmos at Cielo, accepting bubbling champagne from a waiter in a penguin suit at an art opening, or enjoying a glass of red wine at a five-star restaurant booked two months in advance. While there is the chance of spotting Wilmer Valderrama (apparently he's everywhere) or Simon Doonan on these nightly excursions, the Ted Mosbys of the city spend their nights relaxing with close friends at McClaren's.

There Are More Women Than Men In NYC

It's a fact -- Census, after Census. Tear.

The Fashion Industry Is Prejudice Against Straight Men

Pants too tight for any straight man to sport and voices as high as the sky, gay men conquer every whiff of testosterone, from fashion closets to magazine conference rooms. They are so overpopulated, a new favorite pastime has been developed: the “gay or straight” game. The results are 95% gay (on a good day). While we love our GBFs, it isn't fair they get more action than we do.

The Straight Men In Fashion Think They're The Sh*t

Congratulations! Your company has claimed the only straight man in a five-mile radius! Keyword: only. In a matter of seconds, this man -- attractive or not -- will be attacked by famished vultures kicking in Louboutins. It is inevitable that all of this female attention will inflate his ego, and he will sleep with all of them. Ted becomes Barney.

Men On Online Dating Apps Are Scum

Late nights in the office and deliveries in Soho eat up even more time to meet men. This makes the Tinder/OkCupid craze all the more attractive. It's free, and the apps were written about in Vogue. Dabbling in this dating avenue myself, I have never met scummier people in my life. Your first words to someone should never be, “Wanna f*ck?” I'm not sure what is worse: the profanity or the inability to divide 'wanna' into 'want to.' I got so fed up that I sent a guy from New Jersey to Brian Atwood's apartment. Oops! *wink*

Fashion Girls Have Odd Eating Habits

The fashion industry is notorious for eating disorders, but that is not what I am referring to. I'm saying fashion girls are not fun eaters! Most women contemplate the pros and cons of slurping pasta or biting pizza on a date to themselves, but fashion girls have in-depth conversations with their colleagues about the anxiety of a restaurant offering a Greek salad. A spur-of-the-moment trip to Pie Face will have fashion girls smiling and nodding to their date's anecdote, as they mentally calculate their caloric intake for the day and how to compensate for their indulgence tomorrow. What guy wants to treat a girl to a meal she obviously won't enjoy?

Fashion Girls Are Intimidating

With bikini waxes, gel manicures, blow dry bars, and the entire Mac collection smothered on chemically peeled faces, fashion girls are walking beauty advertisements, dressed to the nines from hat to heel. They look hot as sh*t, but they scare the sh*t out of Joe Shmo walking down the street. Mr. Shmo takes one look at a fashion girl, and thinks, “I wish...” – both a compliment and a curse. But what needs to be realized is fashion girls are not perfect; they just never stopped enjoying a nice game of dress-up.

Fashion Girls Are Workaholics

Becoming the next Anna Wintour is more than a full-time job; it's an indescribable passion only the invincible attempt. To channel the Queen, fashion girls work on a schedule that ignores the concept of sunrise and sunset, and prefer a livelihood of “play slave until you pass out, face first, on the floor.” Making it far in the fashion industry is more demanding and painful than going into combat. Fashion girls don't dodge bullets; they dodge stilettos in the back and unemployment in a snap. Playing text-tag with a mediocre guy takes a second priority to getting promoted from intern to associate.

I'm not just some ignoramus with a vengeance against the fashion industry. I live this life. I devote my days to sitting in fashion closets, suffocated by shoeboxes, and sprinting to and from the Condé Nast messenger center with one garment bag heavier than the next. The only men in my life are my father, my gay friends, strangers on the street and the five straight guys in my dorm (who are either taken or probably have an STD by now). Is sacrificing love worth the glitz and the glam? Oh, yeah...