It’s within our innate ambition to crave perfection, and we actively look for the closest thing to it. We aim for idealism; if not, then why do we obsess over the filters for our next Instagram pictures?
Although we may be too grounded or prideful to admit it, we seek perfection. However, with this type of thinking, we only set ourselves up for disappointment in our romantic expectations.
Having been single for quite some time, my overactive imagination has given me time to fanaticize about “the one.” It's that supposed "one true love" Disney teaches us about as young kids that's the sole gateway to a happy ending.
Thus, we associate love as the ultimate answer to the endless nights of rampant thoughts of loneliness and desolation. But, with that kind of mentality, our expectations grossly exceed any realistic person.
I’m not saying we should simply date every single person who comes into our lives. However, from my last relationship, I found myself unintentionally nitpicking each and every flaw, as if I was almost dissuading myself from dating him.
There was always something wrong; whether it was his music taste, his views on certain topics or anything else.
Regardless, I stayed for all the wrong reasons. I hoped that I would wake up one morning and realize that he was the prince charming I had been waiting for all along.
But, I realized that what was wrong in our relationship wasn’t that he was imperfect, it was me and my flawed thinking that allowed me believe he would fit in this blueprint my imagination created for him.
So, if you’re in a similar predicament as mine, how do you not fall in love with simply the idea of someone? What questions should I be asking myself?
How Much Do I Really Know?
Do I truly know who my partner is? If you don’t know much, then you will begin to fill the blank spaces left with your own wants and desires for him or her.
You add certain character traits, interests and likes, which you have no evidence to prove them true.
Is There A Connection?
Chemistry cannot be forced. Connectivity with another person is a strange concept; people with different interests can end up being the best of friends.
Do you find yourself struggling with conversation? Exactly how comfortable are you with him or her?
Can You See This Person In Your Future?
Where do you see yourself with your current partner? Living in the midst of suburbia with one, two, maybe three children?
Or, in the urban jungle, surrounded by concrete skyscrapers ready to take on a city that never sleeps. Maybe even secluded in the mountains, in the comfort of the solace of nature. Whatever the terminal goal is, do you and your partner share similar ideas?
Are You Settling?
Do you have the confidence to know what you want and believe you actually deserve it? Is the person you are currently with just a rebound from a bad breakup or a replacement until something better comes along?
If you are currently only looking for something casual, then by all means, live how you want to live. But, falling in love, for the first time or again, takes a lot of faith in the unknown. Mentally and emotionally, are you ready for that type of commitment?
People are built perfectly imperfect. We each have unique flaws and misgivings about us that distinguishes us as separate entities.
However, it is a conceited argument to believe that the lovers in our lifetimes will be the exact ideal mate we have meticulously planned out in our heads.
Try loving with no expectations bceause to love with an open mind is to love with an open heart.