Facebook Is Probably Damaging Your Relationship Way More Than You Think
Facebook gives most of us one of three feelings: You love it, you hate it or you deal with it because you're addicted to it.
Either way, the majority of us use it, so when it comes to relationships, Facebook is a factor.
Facebook can be a fun way to share your life with the people you care about as well as follow theirs, but it is EXTREMELY addictive. It's very easy to forget Facebook is just a social media tool, not your actual life.
It's when you put too much stock into the importance of Facebook that it can begin to affect your relationship negatively.
Here are some examples of how:
The Dreaded “Relationship Status” Update
You've been seeing someone for a while, and you decide to make it official. One of the two people in the relationship believes that means you need to update your “relationship status” on Facebook.
Maybe you don't really value Facebook that much, and you forget. Next thing you know, you get that text from him or her asking, “Why haven't you updated your relationship status on Facebook yet?”
This social media tool that truly has no real-life significance has now caused the person you care about to feel a sense of insecurity, all due to the fact you haven't updated your status to share your new relationship.
It may even cause a fight if the person cares enough about it, and you disagree with the importance of such an update. It's a little silly, but it's a real thing that happens all too often.
When You Aren't Quite Ready To Tell Your Friends And Family
It's new, and you aren't quite at the point where you're ready to tell your family and friends about it yet, but they are all on Facebook. Your significant other doesn't know or understand this, and he or she tags you in a photo or a status calling it out.
Maybe it goes the other way, and your SO gets upset with you because you won't post pictures with him or her, and your SO feels like you are hiding the relationship.
You have to sit and have the most ridiculous conversation of all time, explaining why you can't post about him or her yet on social media.
When They Find Pictures Of An Old Flame
You or your boyfriend or girlfriend are browsing through each other's pictures, and suddenly we stumble on pictures with an ex.
You either forgot or just don't want to spend the wasted time deleting a bunch of old pictures, but now you have an issue.
Is it too much to ask them to remove them? What about pictures on family members' or friends' pages?
This one can get complicated.
You start to ask yourself, "Why are they still there? Are they hanging onto them for a reason?"
All of these silly questions go through your mind, as if you just spotted their shoe box of past loves under their bed.
All of the sudden, you need answers, when the reality is, they probably just forgot they were there. But in the moment, it bothers you.
Your Friend Didn't Get The Memo And Puts You On Blast
You have a wild night out and neglect to tell your significant other. Two weeks have gone by, and you think you're in the clear.
One random day, out of the blue, one of your friends who didn't get the memo tags you in the pictures. Can you “untag” yourself before they see? It's unlikely.
Get ready because you're going to hear about it.
Your SO Chooses To Air Your Dirty Laundry In Status Updates
Say you and your girlfriend or boyfriend are fighting, and your SO starts posting about it on his or her page, either cryptically or just straight-up calling you out.
Thanks to Facebook, your personal business is officially public knowledge to everyone the both of you know. You should probably be throwing this person deuces anyway, but if not for Facebook, it wouldn't be an issue.
You “Like” Certain Pictures Of The Opposite Sex, And Your SO Gets Jealous
You or your boyfriend or girlfriend “like” a picture of an attractive female or male friend that the other thinks you “liked” for the wrong reasons. There's now trouble in paradise, thanks to Facebook.
You're Scrolling Facebook Instead Of Paying Attention To Them
Let's go another route and talk about how much most of us get addicted to scrolling through the News Feed. It becomes the first thing we do in the morning when we wake up, and it's the last thing we do before we go to sleep.
At every free opportunity, we are looking at our Facebooks on whatever device available, just to see what's going on.
So instead of waking up or falling asleep and focusing on the person you're lying next to, you're looking at your phone.
You go on a date, and the conversation isn't engaging enough, so you pull out your phone. Next thing you know, either your date is doing the same thing, or he or she is just sitting there while you do.
Instead of spending time together, you're staring at your phone.
What's the solution?
The amount of ways Facebook can negatively affect a relationship are endless. On any form of social media, the smallest thing can cause questions and insecurities that wouldn't exist without it.
There's no way around it. If you both have Facebook, it is likely only a matter of time before it negatively impacts what could be an otherwise really beautiful partnership.
If you're both strong, and have thick skin, you'll get through it, but if you don't, it'll be a regular headache.
Sure you can both make a commitment to not to bring Facebook into your relationship. You can make a promise to not look at your phone at certain times, but the chances are small that commitment will last.
Somebody is bound to break that pact. It's inevitable.
My girlfriend and I decided to deactivate our accounts after having a few of the incidents mentioned above happen to us. We found Facebook did more harm than good.
Since we've deactivated our accounts, we've found we give more of ourselves to each other. We have fewer distractions and fewer possibilities of negativity from outside sources coming into our relationship.
We don't have the added worries and insecurities Facebook can inadvertently bring into the situation.
Just because it worked for us doesn't mean it will work for everyone.
You have to weigh the pros and cons for your particular situation. With that said, if you take a step back and you see Facebook is causing negativity in your relationship, you need to address it, even if that means deactivating your account.
We all know Facebook shouldn't have the power to help create or fuel drama, but we also know very well it does. It's a choice we make on how much we allow it to and what we do to prevent it.