Paul Schlemmer

Everything I Want To Say To The Ex I Don't Love Anymore, But Won't Forget

For a long time, I've felt frustrated that we aren't happy together anymore. I've wanted to turn back time so I could want you again, like I used to.

It is only now that I realize we don't work as a couple because I was never myself when I was with you.

And now that I am me again, I know I have to aim higher or maybe date someone completely different to you.

It's not that I don't care about you. I do. But sadly, you're not what I want anymore.

So, I am going to do what I should have done the minute it all ended between us: I'm saying goodbye. This time, it's for good.

Goodbye to you and our dreams. Goodbye to you being “the one”. Goodbye to our conversations, laughs, dances, and cooking. Goodbye to us understanding each other without even talking. Goodbye to us being weird, to your jokes and me getting mad at you whenever I thought you crossed the line.

Goodbye to the life we were going to have together. Goodbye to the idea of me coming home to you, and to your face appearing in my head whenever I think of my future.

Goodbye to me making up theories about why we should be together one day, even though I don't feel that way right now. And goodbye to the idea of you reappearing in my life after a while.

This is all really scary because I love you and I've never really imagined a life without you up until now. But I have to be strong enough to let you walk away.

You don't complete me anymore, even though I am really thankful that you were part of my life for a time. You've been my best friend since I was 16; you were my first true love. You were the first person to shake my world upside down, and the first person who made me feel understood. You were my first support, but also the first person to push my boundaries.

Even though we were both so sad when things ended, there was a time when you made me happy. I felt very loved. You showed me what I deserve and thanks to you, I'll always have high standards and a clear idea of how I want to be treated.

But with goodbyes come hellos.

And so, hello to the idea that you belong with someone else that is not me. You deserve to be happy, so I hope you find someone who raises your standards, even though it isn't me anymore. I hope she understands you better than I did, and I hope she inspires you even more than I did.

I hope your family loves her and you love her family. I hope she makes you feel so understood that finally, it makes sense that I'm not there anymore.

I hope you feel complete and happy without me, and I hope I can feel fine and happy with it as well.

But also, hello to the idea of my future and how exciting it is to not have it planned.

For the moment, I don't know who my future husband is, and I feel unattached. I can't wait for all the experiences that are ahead of me, and all the lessons I have to learn. I can't wait to become the woman I want to be, and I can't wait to meet the man who will fall for her.

Thank you for the amazing times we've had together. Thank you for everything you taught me.

I hope you find the strength to let go of everything and embrace what's coming for you. Knowing you, I know it'll be amazing.

You deserve that and more.

I love you and you'll always be in my heart.