Before every first date, I always feel slightly like I want to puke.
I usually have to call a friend on the cab ride over to calm me down. And no matter which friend I call on, they always say the same thing, without fail: "But what are you so nervous about?"
Well, let me tell you what I'm so nervous about.
The possibilities of this first date are endless. I just don't like not knowing for sure what's going to happen, especially when all of the possibilities are HORRIFYING.
The date could go great, which is terrifying. And it could also go horribly, horribly wrong, which is also terrifying.
But what's most terrifying is the possibility that it will only go lukewarm, leaving me with no idea how to feel and forcing me to go on a second date to figure it out.
THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS THIS SOCIAL EXCHANGE COULD GO DOWN, AND THAT IS TERRIFYING TO ME.
To ease my anxiety a bit (and maybe yours, too), I've created a list of literally every possibility of every type of first date you can experience.
There's the one where...
1. You spend an hour or more listening to him ramble on about his ex.
2. You can't stop talking about your ex.
3. He makes no effort to pull his wallet out.
4. He lets you split the check just because you offered.
5. You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom when the check comes so you don't have to bother with the whole "paying" thing.
6. He goes a little too far with the acts of chivalry.
7. He doesn't ask you one single question about yourself.
8. He makes it feel more like an interrogation than a date.
9. He makes it feel more like a job interview than a date.
10. You're having a hard time deciding whether or not it's actually a date.
11. You make your best friend call you halfway in to rescue you.
12. You're so into him, you can't help but go home with him after.
13. You're so into him, you purposefully don't go home with him in order to keep things going.
14. You're not into him at all, but he's hot, so you go home with him because YOLO.
15. It takes all your might not to blatantly laugh in his face because he's so ridiculous.
16. He cries.
17. You cry.
18. He can't stop bragging.
19. You blatantly lie to impress him.
20. He rambles on about himself the whole time.
21. You're left feeling more like his therapist than his date.
22. He's 30 minutes late.
23. You keep pushing it back because you're so nervous.
24. It's so bad, you just have to get up and leave mid-date.
25. You think it's going fine until he gets up to leave mid-date.
26. He mistakes your nervous rambling for a deep connection.
27. You accidentally get way too drunk.
28. He's awkwardly way drunker than you.
29. The chemistry is totally one-sided.
30. There are instant FIREWORKS.
So, the next time someone asks you what you're so afraid of when going into a first date, show them this NEVER-ENDING LIST OF POSSIBILITIES.
WHY IS EVERYTHING AWFUL.