Ah, the often-dreaded month of February is among us!
Cue endless memes about drinking wine, listening to Adele, being alone with your cats and eating pizza with pepperoni hearts.
I thought this would be a good time to address the eminent feelings of loneliness that may sweep over you on February 14.
Or, maybe they won't sweep over you at all. Maybe you'll just be really happy and will totally survive on the wine-Adele-cat-pizza memes.
You go girl/boy! Proud of you.
Disclaimer: My opinion is not that you need a SO to be happy in life. This is solely speaking to the commonly discussed hope in life of finding love — because love is awesome.
Either way, if you're spending this snowy, heart-shaped candy and "50 Shades of Grey" month alone, let's talk about it.
I have something for you to to try that may keep you from crying your way through three bottles of wine and mozzarella sticks (definitely still partake in all of that, just don't cry).
For one thing, if you're single, this is an excellent time to remind yourself of your worth.
We settle so often in life — 0n bad food, jobs we don't love, people who treat us like we're an afterthought.
(And to those of you who will read this and mutter to yourselves that all men aren't this way, I agree! Snaps for you for keeping chivalry alive! But these people — not just men — do exist.)
If you're sad that you're alone, or wishing the guy you've been casually seeing wanted to spend the day with you, stop it. A lot of people are alone. And he's a jerk.
You should be comfortable and confident in your independence.
After all, the choice is yours. If you wanted just anyone in your life, you could likely get someone.
But, the thing is, we have standards. We don't want just anyone. We have this idea of the person we want.
So, why do we let a SO make the choice of whether we're good enough or not? I promise. You are good enough.
Here's where things get fun.
This "idea" of what you want — how certain are you of these characteristics you're looking for?
Sure, we all want handsome/pretty, straight teeth, has a job, smells good, doesn't slide into your DMs to tell you that you're "hot."
A few weeks ago, one of my best friends asked me to make a list of 25 things I want in my SO.
He promptly told me not to include things like good looking, tall, etc.
This really ended up being a list of what's morally important to me. In my eyes, our moral standards are something that really shouldn't be negotiated.
Coming up with 25 things was actually really hard for me, but I adventured into my heart, soul and mind and scribbled away in my tiny notebook that joins me on all of my daily tasks.
I thought so hard about it, and realized it wasn't something I had contemplated enough. That's why I've often found myself settling. I wasn't in tune with my genuine desires.
I sent him my list and he responded, "OK. Narrow it down to 15."
And so this went on until I had a mere five things on my list of love.
In my eyes, our moral standards are something that really shouldn't be negotiated.
Knocking just one thing off of my initial list seemed like a kiss of death. To get it down to just five was almost painful. My palms were sweating and I felt as if it was etched in stone.
But, when I was done, I looked at my list of five and felt strangely empowered. Right there in black in white were my deal breakers, my standards and in a way, my worth. It's like I had unveiled these secrets I've been keeping with myself.
I'm proud and excited for this time by myself.
The ball is really in my court at all times as I explore the world and stumble upon new people, energies and qualities.
These five things don't necessarily limit me. They can just keep me from disappointment.
I've met countless personalities in my life who are capable of encapsulating all five of my "wishes."
That's why I've often found myself settling. I wasn't in tune with my genuine desires.
I would certainly rather spend my days without a boyfriend than humoring a man who isn't what I want. It's not fair to me or him. It's a lie.
I think we have too much goodness to put out into the world to let ourselves be hurt by people who aren't going to give us what we need. Our needs are important.
And if you're in an unhappy relationship, try it out, too! Make sure you're with the type of person your soul needs. Let your happiness be found. Be honest with yourself.
Figure out what you want and let it come to you.
Until then, realize that you are OK. Because you are, and you're never really alone. None of us are.