For a long time, I have tried to find a common denominator for the men in my life.
When asked what my dating "type" is, I typically joke I exclusively date musicians, bartenders and drug dealers.
Mind you, I live in Colorado.
So when I say "drug dealer," I may also be referring to a cannabis professional of some sort.
In my mind, these are the bad boys who didn't lose their cool after high school.
They are the mavericks who never backed down from sticking it to the Man.
These are the men who make my heart race and my panties drop to the floor.
As I dug deep within my emotionally convoluted soul to unearth the truth about my predisposition for falling in lust with bad boys, I came to a few conclusions.
The men I gravitate toward will never be caged in suits.
They aren’t chained to their desks by overpriced cufflinks, and they aren't slaves to corporate America.
While I respect white-collar providers and their dedication to pursuing lives of uniformed comfort, I don’t possess any desire to date them.
Perhaps my wild spirit is to blame.
But, I have come to believe I am not alone in a generation of women who have been encouraged to shake the foundation of what was previously accepted when seeking a mate.
Furthermore, even though I cannot truly speak for every woman in the case of justifying attraction or lack thereof, these are the reasons why I believe we don’t want to date men in suits:
1. Normality scares the sh*t out of us.
From the rejection of Stepford wives to basic bitches, society is subtly begging us to dare to be different.
Although we may have been raised on the same model of the Barbie Dreamhouse, we have grown to accept our Ken doll isn’t a one-size-fits-all model.
The Mattel-manufactured life we previously admired as an example of pristine adulthood has become thoroughly outdated.
We are no longer expected to follow conventional paths or be conventional women, for that matter.
In contrast, we are praised for challenging social norms, striving for gender equality and embracing our independence.
Essentially, the man in the suit represents everything we were once encouraged to aim for: the steady income, the birth plan, the suburbs, the sea of dry-cleaned shirts and the death of our freedom.
We define success by our individual standards, hopes, dreams and personal interpretations of such.
The loves of our lives may have neck tattoos instead of 401(k) plans, and there isn't a damn thing anyone can say about it.
As we boldly go against the grain, we seek partners who do the same.
Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.
— Carrie Bradshaw
2. We want to be entertained, not taken care of.
In my colorful dating history, I have gone out with everyone from successful entrepreneurs to broke bartenders.
To date, the relationship that has affected me the most has been with a bartender I fell madly in love with and impulsively moved in with after a brief month of blissful courtship.
At the beginning of our intoxicating romance, he said to me, “Sam, I’m a bartender, but I love what I do. At times, we may struggle and live off of mac and cheese. But I promise you, we will always have fun.”
This turned out to be true.
Travis didn’t have a car, a savings account or anything resembling a five-year plan, but he made my heart full with wonder.
(He also made damn good mac and cheese.)
For some women, the ultimate goal is to pave their own way to personal triumph.
As dynamic contemporaries, we know what we want and have adopted the self-reliance necessary to acquire it.
When it comes to relationships, we aren’t choosing a partner based on his net worth or where he acquired his finance degree.
We want to be entertained.
Our knight in shining armor may be a musician in Converse or a bartender in flannel, but he bravely fulfills his role of rescuing us from boredom.
3. We still can’t get over bad boys.
Let’s not pretend we aren’t still comparing our ideal boyfriends to the insurgent John Bender in "The Breakfast Club" or that beautiful, shaggy-haired specimen of a man that was Patrick Verona in "10 Things I Hate About You."
Can you imagine one of these high school movie heartthrobs growing up and selling out to a life of creased pants and conformity?
I don’t think so.
Something about a bad boy will always give us those warm and fuzzy feelings inside.
Where other people see trouble, we see potential.
The starving artists, stubborn entrepreneurs, charismatic bartenders and dauntless adventurers are the lovers we seek to join us in the ambitious pursuit of ageless excitement.
While a man will always look sharp in a suit, our chosen partners in crime are rebels in T-shirts.