News Flash: I. Do. Not. Want. Your. Boyfriend. Single women are not a pack of she-wolves waiting for you to run to the bathroom in your favorite dive bar so we can hump that man-boy with whom you choose to share a bed. I mean… unless he’s Channing Tatum.
I’ve recently noticed women in relationships clutching their boyfriends’ arms a bit tighter every time single girls walk by. You may think he’s god’s gift to women, but I certainly don’t.
I have never actually wanted anyone who was taken or who had previously dated a friend. Sure, there are women who specifically target men who are in relationships, but most single females aren’t looking to scoop up your man.
You can relax your grip; he’s not holding a drink I’m trying to roofie. Quite frankly, I’m offended that you think my lack of a ring means I’m unable to recognize that you have a real commitment with someone.
I’ve been single a long time, by choice, and maybe I’m wrong about this, but I really don’t think that when you get into a relationship, you should suddenly become paranoid. Single women are not your enemies; they’re just braving the world on their own, for whatever reason.
I tend to get along better with men, which apparently, makes me come across as predatory to coupled women. Maybe I like talking to your man because I like you and want to make sure he’s not some d-bag with an agenda. Whatever the reason, an ulterior motive is not one of them.
Why don’t we want your boyfriends, you ask? Well, maybe they’re not our type. Maybe — wait for it — we’re content with being single for now. Or, maybe we’re sleeping with a hot, young thing who makes us feel like we’re constantly carefree and on spring break.
Maybe, we're still trying to get over "the one who got away," in which case, you should provide that girls’ night you know you've been neglecting since Mr. What's-His-Face came into the picture.
Remember what it's like to be single, and instead of being afraid or judgmental, listen to our "safe-for-brunch-only" stories and actually act excited for us. Or, be that friend whose cat mysteriously dies when we need to get out of an oh-so-terrible first date.
Remember the feeling you had in your gut when you walked into a strange bar to meet a strange boy, who may or may not be a serial killer based on his OkCupid profile?
Be there for us with Ben & Jerry's when Jerry stops calling. Be there to celebrate when Bobby tells us it's time to be official, even though we both know that Bobby will be "Mr. Who?" in a few short months.
Stop judging and start listening to your single girlfriends. Stop prepping your stilettos for a bar fight and start actually hearing us when we say, "We don't want your boyfriend; we want our own boyfriend..." if that's what we're saying. Or, hear us when we say, "We really just enjoy being single right now."
Let us be that way, without setting us up with every one of Jack's friends. Get it now? We're all doing what we want to do and should just enjoy being friends without identifying who has more to lose.