I Don't: 10 Thoughts A Single Person Has Watching Everyone Get Married


OMG, look! Another engagement on Facebook? That’s so sweet! Not.

When everyone around you is getting married, and your only issue is deciding what kind of cookie to get from Subway, it’s kind of tough not to wonder whether you will ever find your perfect person.

It seems like every single damn person from your Facebook friends list has found someone, so why can’t you? You start to question yourself when you realize you're one of the last single people amongst your peers.

Why haven't you found someone? Is it because you play old Britney Spears songs and sing them word for word? Or maybe you should take your little sister's car seat out of your car so people don't think you're married and taken.

Constant thoughts of trying to figure out why are always running through a single person's head. Here are 10 examples:

1. "They won’t notice if I don’t go out."

After the third invite of the week, you literally can’t even. Maybe if you don’t go to the wedding, they won’t notice. Hell, if it weren't for frequent status updates, people wouldn't know if you were dead or alive, anyway.

Considering not going to an event that rubs in just how single you are is something you always have in mind.

2. "Maybe I should have said yes to my ex..."

Remember the time “Crazy Carl” (as your younger siblings called him) proposed? Maybe you should have said yes. The constant texts and random popping up at your job weren't too bad, right?

Nah, it was. Get over the fact that you have not yet found The One.

3. "The One will come at the right time, right?"

Your mom keeps saying that, so it has to be true. Honestly, you can't even handle a significant other right now, anyway. All that time and effort? No way.

You need time and effort for your work presentation and your Call of Duty kills.

4. "Damn, Grandma’s calling."

Ugh, all Grandma wants to talk about is when she'll finally be having great grandkids. Then, she brings up exes from like three years ago and how nice they were. Why does she have to do that? Denying Grandma's wishes is a tough, but necessary job.

5. "They can’t be that happy."

Yes, their wedding photos in the Himalayas are awesome, and oh, look, they just uploaded another kissing selfie to Facebook. How inspiring! There is no way they enjoy each other's company 24/7, right?

You're not hating, but being with someone all damn day? No way. You can barely stand the sight of your dog after a few consecutive hours.

6. "I still have my freedom."

Hey, this is a positive! You have the freedom to stay in alone on Fridays with your best friend, Netflix. The bar is fun from time to time, but that gets old.

And who cares? You answer to no one; you have a big, king bed to yourself and no bad breath from another person breathing on you. Freedom!

7. "Please, not another bridesmaid's dress."

Of course, you were asked, yet again. Now, you have to dedicate the coming months to saving the copious amounts you'll spend on the wedding and dieting so you don't look hideous in that inevitably satin dress.

Then, you'll add the dress to the back of your closet, with the other 10 dresses you'll never wear again.

8. "To reply to Tinder messages or not?"

“If you aren't a freak, you might as well unmatch with me.” Very nice, Tinder Mark, very nice. Maybe you should stop letting matches and messages pile up on Tinder.

But actually, what's the worst that could happen if you say yes to a date? Marriage?

9. "At least I don’t have to share food."

Yeah, this giant pizza is about to get eaten, and it's all for you. Why? It’s your pizza and no one else's. You can eat whatever you want and no one is there to comment on your choices or ask for you to share.

You know what? That's a win.

10. "No kids for me anytime soon!"

At the end of the day, this is the best statement a single person watching everyone get married can say.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It