To say the men of New York are “of a different breed” is like when Lindsay Lohan said she “only did drugs four or five times." It's what PR specialists call "putting it gently." Because any woman who has lived, is living or is thinking about leaving New York knows, there is no breed to define the New York Man.
By no means am I trying to bring down the men of New York. In no way do I want to slander all four million men inhabiting the greatest city in the world because I know you're not all like this. I do think they should know, however, that just because they're living in Greatest City In the World doesn't mean they're the Greatest Men in the World.
To women who share the other half of the city, it's fair to say they aren't living up to their end of the deal.
No matter how well you thought you understood the opposite sex, any woman who excitedly enters New York eventually finds that her usual tricks and track record don't apply across the Brooklyn-, Manhattan-, Verrazano-, Queensboro- or George Washington bridge because, well, we're working with a whole different animal here.
It's like the island of misfit men and entering said island will make you as crazy and haunted as the depleted women still inhabiting it. It's the only city where you will go out more and end up with less to show for it.
For all the exhausted and confused women running around the island that seems to be throwing men in our face at the same rate as lamb kebabs, we can tell you why it's not working out: The number is not the problem, the problem is the quality. And baby, “quality over quantity” has never been an aphorism more prevalent in a NYC gal's life.
So for all our mothers telling us we're being dramatic, our friends in California who tell us they have it worse and all you preteen adolescents dreaming of life in “the big city,” here's what you need to know about New York Men compared to the rest of the world.
Men in other cities wear sweatpants, men in New York wear leather jogging pants.
New York is probably the only city you will see men dressed to work out in clothes more expensive than your nicest pantsuit for work. It's a city of ambition and all those ambitious men want to dominate not just the game, but the track surrounding it.
Men in other cities talk about the world, men in New York talk about NY.
There's nothing worse than the New York Man who is so damn pumped to be in New York. Unfortunately, that's most men in the city. Men who aren't obsessed with their “sick life” and their “sick apartment” are just out there trying to get one.
Men in other cities eat sandwiches, men in New York eat paninis.
Men of New York have been “frilled." There's no better way to put it. In a city that thrives on miniature cupcakes and cute canapés, the New York Man has noticeably been downgraded to a man who orders things like paninis instead of sandwiches and Perrier instead of water.
Men in other cities make moves, New York men expect you to make the move.
Men in New York are used to getting their way. They're also used to millions of women passing them daily. Why should they make the move when there are so many women who can just make the move on them? Why make any effort when they can just invent an app to find girls to have sex with... oh, wait, that's already been done.
Men in other cities make bacon and eggs, men in New York make brunch reservations.
Nothing says breakfast in bed better than standing in line for 45 minutes. While brunch is great and we love it with our girlfriends and even a nice one-night stand, nothing says New York Man more than guy who doesn't know how to make his own eggs.
Men in other cities have seen it all, men in New York only see New York.
Men of New York may be the richest, smartest and most successful, but that doesn't mean they know how to see the big picture. Many of them are willing to just talk about what clubs you visit on Friday night more than what countries you've walked through.
Men in other cities take bets, men in New York take taxis.
New York guys can't show you how they whip their ride, but they can show you how to whip around a taxi driver. There is definitely something to say about a man who takes a taxi everywhere and a man who know how to get his own gas.
Men in other cities open doors, men in New York open their wallets.
There's nothing wrong with treating a woman well. New York men, however, don't know how to do it unless it involves a check at the end of it. In their hurried attempts to secure the most lavish dates and best tables at the club, they've forgotten the simple and natural ways to charm a New York woman.
Men in other cities have buns of steel, men in New York have man buns.
We're not sure when it happened, but the mullet of the 70s has been creeping its way on top of the male head for the last 40 years and landed in a tight ball on top of one too many men who refuse to stay confined to their Brooklyn lofts.
Men in other cities buy flowers, men in New York buy bottles.
You know what comes with flowers? Love. You know what comes with bottles? Sex. It's as easy as that. Gone are the days of flowers, horse-drawn carriages (Not that they should have ever been, have you seen those poor horses?) and monogamous relationships. In are the days of night clubs, tables and random sex.
Men in other cities chase you, men in New York chase you away.
It's like spoiling your children then blaming them for it. Men can't help that they live in a city with over four million women. They can't help that they are confronted with models and flawless actresses on a daily basis. They can't help that with the plethora of beauty around them, they don't even want to think of "wasting time" with just one.
We, however, can't help but hate them for this.
Men in other cities have morals, men in New York have models.
It's not that men of New York don't have morals. It's just that men of New York can't see their morals over the towering 6-foot beauties.
Men in other cities take their time, men in New York make their own time.
In the city that never sleeps, the men here don't just go by a schedule -- they go by their own schedules. There is no reserved time for dinner or for you. You are on his schedule and his time and if you don't like it, you can just disappear back into the crowded sea of women.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It