When you and your best friend's partner don't get along, it's a recipe for disaster because nobody wins.
It's an uphill battle littered with arguments and constantly feeling like you have to try to maintain the peace. Everyone has a role they play, and the best friend, you're tasked with being the "bigger person" and expected to take the high road.
It's not always a fun role. But what you can't do is give your best friend ultimatums. This is a no-no. It's selfish and will add more fuel to your fire.
So what are you to do when your best friend is dating a douchebag or even just a genuine person you don't get along with. Maybe you have different political beliefs than this person. Or maybe he treats her like crap and isn't fit to breathe her air, but she doesn't see that.
Regardless of the details, here are a few steps YOU can take to ensure your sanity and the survival of your friendship:
1. Talk to your best friend about how you feel.
This may sound like a "DUH" moment, but no matter how many years you two have been friends or how many friendship bracelets you've made, there is no easy way to have this conversation.
At its core, it's uncomfortable, and it can play out in so many ways, depending on how aware she already is that you and her partner don't get along.
What if he likes you and you don't like him? What if she is oblivious to how much you loathe him because she's just happy and on cloud nine with her partner?
You have to sit your friend down and express how you feel honestly. Be constructive, though. This isn't a battle of words or a battle to win an argument.
You have to sit your friend down and express how you feel honestly. Be constructive, though.
Because they are already involved with this person, there's a large chance that, while your friend surely values your opinion, you aren't the one to decide if they stay together.
This may be one of the hardest things your friendship endures, but closed mouths don't get fed. Talk it out.
2. Write it out.
The worst thing you can ever do is gossip or social-media vomit about how you feel about this situation. This is especially important, given that we are generation with the urge to express most of our feelings in a pretty public space.
If you haven't already talked to your best friend, writing out your feelings can act as a brief alternative to help you prep for that conversation.
Writing out your feelings can act as a brief alternative to help you prep for that conversation.
Even if you have had a conversation with your friend, and you still feel some lingering sentiments, write about them.
Buy a journal, pull up a new document on your computer, take out a pen and let the words fall onto the page.
Not only is writing an extremely therapeutic experience, but you also don't have to worry about your thoughts either getting back to your best friend or being misconstrued or misinterpreted by someone else.
Having a big vent session via pen and paper can also help you be self-reflective and perhaps get a new perspective on the situation.
3. Take up a new hobby or a new friend.
Now, I, more than anyone, understand that an activity or a new human cannot replace time spent with your best friend. After all, they are the best for the reason.
However, for the future of your friendship, you may just need to take a little time off for some much needed space. Hating your best friend's partner can build tension, resentment and anger that could spill over into your friendship.
Try to channel all of your negative energy into something new.
So try to channel all of your negative energy into something new — something just for you — and go run, read or find some other distraction that will help you be productive instead of just stewing in your anger. Doing that benefits no one in the end.
All in all, relationships come and go. A few months down the line, your best friend may not even be with this person anymore. (It could happen.)
The important thing is not to dwell on your negative energy. Instead, take this as a challenge to improve communication and learn how to deal with someone you don't like.