4 Reasons Guys Will Never Stop Being Proud Of Their D*ck Pics
I think it's time we addressed the question that most women searching for their soulmates online ask their girlfriends time and time again.
Why the f*ck do men think it's completely acceptable to inundate me with dick pics?
I'm speaking on behalf of most women out there when I say being visually assaulted by photos of the unwelcome dick is the most unattractive thing a guy can do to get my attention.
But I'm not the only one talking about the arrival of the unsolicited dick pic in my inbox.
A recent study from Match.com confirmed my suspicions, and voted the dick pic the biggest turn-off to women, with 75 percent of those surveyed claiming they don't enjoy getting dick photos from men.
Here are four reasons why we receive these unfortunate photos:
1. You "seem" like you're into it.
There's nothing worse than knowing the same device you reply to your work emails with, text your parents happy birthday with and take shots of your cute little kitten with is being violated by penis pics from potential suitors.
Perhaps what's even worse is when you're showing off your beautiful landscape photography from your most recent retreat, only to be caught receiving a cringe-inducing (and much less beautiful) photograph of a man's dick.
"Hey, what was that?" they say, suddenly categorizing you as some sex-loving maniac.
"I promise I didn't ask for it," you reply, knowing good and well it's too late. You've already been branded the dirty bitch of the office.
Why don't we delete the photos?
Because we hang onto them for ammo, in case we're faced with the unlikely situation of being exploited online by our suitors.
Deep down, we know under no circumstances are we going to mass print and stick to streetlights his local area, but it's the material that comforts us as we plunge into the world of digital dating.
Other reasons include personal amusement, a quick ego boost and sharing amongst girlfriends in the group WhatsApp chat, "Why we hate men."
When are you going to get it? If we don't ask, we simply don't want them.
Let's face it: Unless the photograph includes his smug face, the junk in that trunk may not even belong to him.
2. It gives them a power trip.
I'm no expert, but it's hard to ignore the element of power while exploring the reasons why so many men part with their pics. How uncomfortable can they make women feel?
A dick pic the epitome of masculinity, so they're entitled to do what they please with it, right?
The end goal is to elicit a reaction, whether it's good, bad or ugly.
But retaliation for us women is instinctive.
"Are you f*cking kidding me?"
"Ew, what even is that?"
"Have you ever heard of trimming?"
Whatever the reaction, we want to express it, even though deep down, we know the rule of the unwanted dick is instantly block.
3. They think we're happy to get them because they're free porn.
I asked a group of male friends about the dick pic culture to get a male perspective.
They laughed, playing the ultimate alpha males and describing the explicit and unsolicited photos as free porn for women.
Later, however, they admitted the pics are probably closer to indecent exposure.
Exposing one’s genitals, whether for the sexual gratification of the offender or to entice a sexual response, is a crime which could land the offender up to 10 months inside many states' jails.
So, why are the lines so blurred when it comes to indecent exposure online?
4. There's a minority of women who like them.
It's only fair I acknowledge there are women out there who not only welcome dick pics, but encourage them.
We all get our rocks off in different forms. If a man grabs your attention by sharing his genitalia pics, then I'm in no position to judge.
But let's not forget those women make the waters mucky for the rest of us. We find dick pics unattractive, unnecessary and downright offensive.
We already know the Internet has no real watch dog.
Dating websites are not planning on introducing an "I am a dick pic offender" check box, and the likelihood of the law bringing in an indecent exposure online act anytime soon is looking pretty slim.
So, how about we make a deal?
If sending a pic of your gigantic boner is on your agenda, how about you get it over with in the first two messages?
Or better yet, how about you ask us if we want it before you send it?
At least then, you're not wasting too much of our f*cking time.