Trust is one of the foundations for all healthy relationships. It's especially important that trust be established at the start of a new relationship. Trust, or the lack thereof, will most likely make or break the relationship.
Let's be honest: We all come with baggage (some more than others), and trust may be an issue for some, if not many. Even though people move on and hope their previous experiences won't affect future relationships, they somehow always do. When one has been hurt in the past, trusting a new person can feel nearly impossible.
The thought of letting someone in who could potentially cause as much hurt and damage as the last person did is absolutely terrifying, especially if there's an actual connection. Things get real quick, and fear kicks in.
The individual may be strong AF, but those emotional walls are probably sky-high. Relationships and breakups are difficult for either party, and one person usually ends up with much deeper cuts and scars.
Newsflash: This may be the person you are now dating. This is important to consider when you're trying to break down those walls. It can be one of the most frustrating things, especially if the other person doesn't seem as invested.
You might think to yourself, “Why would I want to deal with this crap?” But know that beneath that hard shell is someone who wants to find love. This person is the hidden gem you've been searching for.
This person will change your life, love you deeply and teach you so much. Time heals all, and time also supports growth and love.
These may be some of the things you're experiencing:
1. Lack Of Willingness To Compromise
This person may just be getting his or her life together and learning how to put him- or herself first again. Sometimes, a lack of compromise is not only because this person is stubborn or selfish.
Rather, it is because this person had every last bit of selflessness sucked out of him or her in his or her previous relationship. If this person is worth it, allow time for adjustment and trust.
2. Lack Of Trust
Trust is one of the most difficult things to attain, but when you have it, you'll see that it was worth the wait. Fear plays a large and significant role when it comes to trust.
The thought of letting someone in again is terrifying. Not only that, but letting someone in also allows opens the person up to the possibility of getting hurt again.
Once someone is traumatized in that way, earning his or her trust can be difficult. But again, if this person is worth the struggle, wait it out.
3. Not Quickly Integrating Into The Person's Life
Once the sadness has passed, there comes the struggle of learning to be alone again. People become accustomed to things, and maybe this is something they enjoy.
Pushing your SO to quickly include you in his or her life is a recipe for disaster. Allow this person to make the choice and call the shots when he or she is ready.
This way, there is no pressure. You'll know it's coming from a healthy place.
Patience is a virtue. (Bummer, I know.)
4. No Second Chances
As a defense mechanism, as soon as something seems odd, this person will bolt for the door. Again, fear is a vital factor here.
But this person also knows what he or she wants and doesn't want. If your behavior resembles that of the ex, prepare to be eliminated.
Be yourself. Be understanding and kind.
5. One Shot
You only get one shot. This definitely pairs with the “no second chances” idea.
Don't get caught in a lie, and don't do stupid sh*t. Remember: This person is trying to protect him- or herself, and this person is meticulously searching for any red flags.
Be the awesome person you are, and everything will be just fine. But really: Don't f*ck it up.
6. No Extra Mile
Going that first mile is probably difficult enough. Do not expect this person to go out of his or her way for you. This is something that must be earned, as it is most likely something that was substantially taken advantage of before.
Lead by example. If it's something you value, maybe try doing it first. See if the kind deed is reciprocated.
It's important to understand that this person had the strength to walk away from something that was so very meaningful in the past, so it will be super easy to peace out on whatever you two have. Walking away does not faze this person.
Not only is it a choice, but this person also knows it's probably safer to walk away than invest more time. If it's hard in the beginning, it's not worth it. Relationships only get harder.
This is a difficult situation to be in. But if this is the person you want to be with, there is always a way to make it work.
Where there's a will, there's a way. Just be sure you're not only in it for the challenge. It needs to be for the right reasons.
Keep fighting for love. It's always worth it.