Trust Doesn't Come Easily: What It's Like To Date An Insecure Person

by Paris Close

A stigma placed on insecure people implies we are undateable.

While we come with a lot of baggage, it just means we're really good at carrying heavy stuff and are stronger than you think.

We don't expect you to be our therapists or anything because we're working on ourselves every day.

But, if you really care to help, try to get to know us a bit better and gain some understanding as to why we think the way we do about ourselves. Have a seat, grab a pencil and take notes.

Here are five things you absolutely must know about dating insecure people:

Trust is the hardest part for us

Honesty is at the core of every relationship (or at least it should be) and though we'd like to believe you when you say you would never lie to us, we know that is also a lie.

We understand this because we lie, too (more than you think).

We lied about not being able to go out the other night because of some unknown obligation that never really existed in the first place; we lied when we told you we weren't jealous of your good-looking, close friend; saddest of all, we lied about how much we value the love we have for ourselves.

We can’t “just quit” being insecure

Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Everyone is entitled to have his or her own nitpicking moments in the mirror. I do it constantly: "Oh, is that an ab I see? Of course not!" or, "Why didn't my parents get me braces as a kid?"

And, don't get us wrong, we know your compliments come from a place of earnest sincerity and we're appreciative.

It's just so damn difficult for us to believe in them sometimes. It's not that we think you're just kidding us — there's a whole complex that exists beneath the surface.

We don't hear the sincerity in your voice; instead, we hear the kids from high school who still haunt and remind us of how unpopular, stupid or unattractive we are.

That sort of mental damage cannot be undone with the switch of a button. So, please bear with us — we really are trying.

We're not over-dramatic (all of the time)

Raise your hand if you're admittedly insecure, but more frequently, you've been called "over-dramatic."

Sure, we get riled up over our feelings, and we know it could get to be too much for you. However, it's not something we do intentionally.

We spend so much time trying to get our sh*t together in our own little worlds that it doesn't always translate in the best way to the outside world.

No matter how hard we try, we always find ways to go the extra mile to impress you because we don't want to lose you. So, if you happen to walk in on one of our freak-out moments, please don't take it personally. It's all for you.

We don't like talking about ourselves

"What do you like about yourself?" How about we talk about the things I like instead?

"What do you consider your best feature?" My mind, when it's not telling me to speak up.

"Why don't you smile often?" Can we stop now, please?

Just so you know, we'll be talking about you and all things involving you on the first couple of dates.

We like getting to know you more because it actually helps us let down our walls and eventually open up to you, too. But again, the first few conversations we'll have will be more or less centered around you, so be ready.

We will love you more than we love us

It’s so sad, but so very true at the same time. We love you. Not like Ashley Simpson’s "L-O-V-E" love, but we really effing love you because you took a chance on us. You picked us!

One thing you can always expect from dating an insecure person is that he or she will be unwaveringly loyal and they will never take you for granted.

We will love you so hard and will go the distance to prove our love for you.

We get that dating someone who is insecure can sometimes be a handful, so thanks for even wanting to get to know us in the first place. You won't regret it.