Why is it that in any relationship, there's always that one unnerving deal breaker?
It doesn't matter how serendipitous your initial meeting was or how great of chemistry you two have... the inevitable will eventually surface.
And when it does, you have to ask yourself: Do you settle, or do you break things off? For a long time, that deal breaker for me was dating a single mom.
I just couldn't wrap my head around potentially stepping in as the stepfather.
Could I love the child as my own? Would he resent me for being involved with his mother? What kind of relationship would form between us? How would this affect him if we had more kids in the future? What kind of baggage comes with the father?
Questions like these were too difficult for me to answer, so I just avoided single moms like jorts on a summer day. It wasn't particularly difficult because most of them are red flagged on dating sites.
Right before my 30th birthday, however, I decided to be open-minded about dating single moms. I would at least try it before shunning it, right?
And what did I discover? Single moms and my independent lifestyle pair together like cheese and wine! Here is why single moms make awesome girlfriends and why you shouldn't jump to conclusions when considering dating one:
Single moms are mature.
They change diapers, feed, do laundry, clean (and then clean some more). On top of doing everything in the home, they have to shuffle everywhere.
They shuffle to daycare. They shuffle to band practice. They shuffle to soccer practice. They shuffle to their ex's for custody arrangements. It is a lot of shuffling around and takes a hell of a lot of self-discipline not to just lose your mind.
And guess what? This builds character -- a lot more character than that giggling Tinder hookup who didn't know why we celebrate Independence Day.
Single moms have Fruit Roll-Ups in their cabinets -- at all times.
Remember when your mom always had those awesome snacks, like pizza rolls, Fruit Roll-Ups and other assorted goodies? It's no different with single moms because they have the same goodies stocked at the ready. You can be sure that when you are raiding her kitchen, you will once again experience the glory of childhood.
Single moms are very independent.
No, not like the girl who claims to be independent and then ends up being clingy as hell.
Single moms are so busy that they pretty much can only connect on a certain set schedule — when they don't have their kids.
At least this is true for when you first start dating. Why is this so great? You basically have the best parts of both worlds: the girlfriend and the flexibility of being single.
Single moms don't care if you want to have a guys' night. They want their alone time too because they never get it.
Single moms are patient, committed and loyal.
I could go on. There are so many positive traits that single moms possess because of the personal growth they went through and continue to go through with child rearing.
It's like when you moved out of your parents' house and got your own place or went to college. You went through a personal growth experience.
With child rearing, it's no different. These moms had to go deep into their hearts to pull out energy at times when they didn't have it.
And lastly, there will be a time in the relationship where you meet her children. If you really love her, loving her children will be no obstacle. Don't be like I was and let faulty logic prevent you from potentially meeting someone you can truly love.