Somewhere between Hollywood movies and New York listicles, Millennials started to think kindness is a sign of weakness.
Be a bad boy, get the broad. Be a bitch, get the guy.
Meanwhile, I bought a one-way ticket and started meeting people around the world.
They took me into their homes and hearts, and I was vulnerable and dependent for the first time in my life.
When I kissed Los Angeles goodbye, I realized there is nothing wrong with me for being nice. Perhaps there is something wrong with all of you for being crude.
Not all men love bitches.
Don't get me wrong; I've heard about the book, "Why Men Love Bitches."
I have a theory. Some men do love bitches. These guys are jerks, and so they match perfectly with the bitches.
However, there are so many more people around the globe who are good. You don't have to play a game to gain someone's affection.
While I may have broken some hearts, I've never purposefully hurt anyone. I refuse to play the game.
Here are 10 reasons why:
1. I want a partner, not a project.
As a competitive person, I love a good challenge. But I'd prefer to challenge myself creatively, physically, professionally and even mentally.
I don't want to challenge myself emotionally.
Relationships are already hard work. That's because they're with someone who we know is worth it.
When you're only just dating someone, you don't know whether this person is worth it.
I'm not going to invest my time dissecting calls, texts and intentions when I'm trying to travel the world, build my business, develop wellness and be there for my friends and family.
I don't even know what my intentions are with you. Why would I hurt you or myself to find out?
When we date, we are getting to know someone to see how we would like this person to contribute to our life.
More often than not, life is good. But it can be cruel.
I need someone to share the burden, not contribute to it.
2. I'm not attracted to a man who is attracted to b*tches.
Let's be honest: Some women can be really awful. Why would I want a man who likes that?
You want me to mess with your heart? You want me to manipulate you? You want me to keep you dangling? You want me to be there for you sometimes but not always?
3. I want a cheerleader and coach, not an opponent.
I don't want to play the game of who can go longer without texting, who is going out more, who can post more pictures with hot people of the opposite sex and who can be more unavailable.
Who could give a f*ck?
We've all been hurt before. By competing about who cares less, how is anyone winning?
Do you really win if I get hurt? Do I really win if I make you question whether or not I'm a loyal and honest person?
For the love of learning new things, here’s to relationships where we encourage each other, not break each other down.
Fighting with you is so much more attractive than fighting against you.
4. I'm confident enough to know my worth, and I don't need to pretend.
I am "hard to get." Who's pretending?
When you get to a point where you really love yourself and when you know your strengths and weaknesses, you also know you don't have to put with childish games. Playing games isn’t only inconsiderate and selfish, it’s also a sign of weakness in people who are insecure.
I don't have to settle for a boy playing games. I prefer a man who is forward.
Realistically, I am often unavailable.
I do have be selective of where I spend my time and energy, or rather with whom. I don't have the luxury of putting up a front because I'm often torn away with other commitments.
Dude, I have a life.
So I have to actually put in some effort to date someone.
When I finally do, there is no way in hell I'm going to put in effort into pretending I'm not putting any effort in.
5. I find bold pursuit incredibly hot.
Yeah, I like it when you try. It's sexy when you know what you want. I get it.
Dating is a funky stage. We all define it differently. We all have different expectations. But one thing is not negotiable: your desire to learn more about each other.
You may not know if you want this person to be your boyfriend or girlfriend yet.
We may not know what we want with the person because we are still getting to know him or her, but we have to know that we want to find out.
Go for it.
I want to.
If I'm dating someone, I don't want to feel like I have to hold back. I'm already guarded as is.
Who is strong enough to pull the bricks down first?
Sure, you can't show a person all of you right away, but you also shouldn't feel like you can't share a little of yourself to someone.
That's how you get to know each other, and that's really all dating is.
6. If I give into the game, I might end up in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes, we want to make it work just because we don't want to fail. We don't want to be the one who gave up. We don't want to lose.
We don't want to feel defeated. Heck, we don’t want to be the one who was rejected.
When we treat people like trophies, we are in a race for power.
I don't want to be controlled. I don't want to control you.
Races have a finish line.
Don't confuse his or her love to keep you or desire to "get" you as a love for you.
7. I still believe in the courting process.
Call me old-fashioned, but isn't dating about showing each other a sample of what a real relationship should be like?
Aren't we supposed to woo each other? It's supposed to be fun.
Even if it doesn't work out for the long-term, we can appreciate any type of relationship (even casual dating) for the good time it was.
As someone who isn't actively looking for a life partner, I date by accident.
Someone likes you, you like him or her and some butterflies are involved.
It's exciting, nerve-wracking and full of curiosity.
Can we just minimize the anxiety part and maximize the fun part?
If it's not fun, why do it?
8. I'm not attracted to jerks.
What happened to manners and morals?
I refuse to romanticize any form of abusive or selfish behavior. If a guy can't treat a woman he's interested in with respect, how can I expect him to treat a woman he loves with respect?
There is nothing sexy about being rude, crude or offensive.
I never really got why some women like assh*les. If a guy is a jerk, he can jerk off far away from me.
9. I will care about you until you stop showing me you care.
This goes for every type of person. For my friendships, for my colleagues and even for my family.
If you're really going to suck, I am going to cut you out of my life.
But as long as you're good to me, I'll be good to you.
I don't want to start a relationship on the premises of how I might hurt you. I don't want you to doubt my loyalty. I don't want to use dishonesty or manipulation to start a relationship.
The foundation of my current relationships (with the friends and family I care about) works only because we're good to each other.
10. What it comes down to is the fact that I'm not a bitch.
I won't pretend to be heartless for you to date me because if you do love a bad bitch, you won't love me.
I love with a lot of heart.