So you might think dating a good guy isn't hard.
It's what all girls want, right? And if that's not what you've been doing, you've probably experienced more than your fair share of relationship woes.
Wrong. If you're like me, a 20-something millenial, forging your own path, fighting the good fight and struggling to balance your career, family and dating, then being with a good guy is a scary prospect.
For someone like me, who has a vision for their life, a plan and a set idea of where I see myself going and why, dating becomes increasingly challenging as I get older. But it's not for the typical reasons: "all the good men are gone," "you'll have to get used to the idea that he might have a kid" or "your looks will only hold up so long."
Rather, a good man frightens the crap out of me because his presence means a disruption to the plan — a beautiful, chaotic sense of disorder, which will require me to adjust and compromise.
A good man frightens the crap out of me because his presence means a disruption to the plan.
Don't get me wrong; I understand compromise is a vital component to dating someone. In fact, that's what makes a relationship function. However, when you've been dating men who you know aren't prospective mates for the future, you don't have to worry about that.
Why would I take someone seriously and apply them to the constructs of my future life if I know they don't have it together? The answer's simple: I don't.
Dating not-so-great guys, despite the "potential," doesn't warrant them worthy of me rearranging my life. It's a crappy choice I only recently discovered I was making without realizing it at the time. The thought of meeting someone great and investing so much in a relationship, forcing me to make those significant life choices, is incredibly scary.
Dating not-so-great guys, despite the 'potential,' doesn't warrant them worthy of me rearranging my life.
Over time, I've witnessed plans become soured by years of investment with someone who ended up not being "the one." I've seen friends uproot themselves for relationships that did not pay off. I've scratched my head in bewilderment seeing couples, who I thought were unbreakable, crumble.
But isn't that the gamble, though? That's the giant leap we'll inevitably make (or in my case, not make) to be with someone. You defy all the cliches and jump off the cliff, with no safety net, hoping to fly.
Kids don't guarantee your partner will stay, living together doesn't mean you'll upgrade to a marriage and marriage doesn't mean you'll stay together forever. It's a hard reality many of us face in the perils and plunders of committing to someone.
So what happens when you meet your match? What do you do when you encounter someone who challenges you, meets you halfway and is simultaneously the monkey wrench you didn't see coming in your cog style machine? Do you take it?
Yes, you do.
I'm done with settling solely for the potential of a good man or a good relationship.
Good guys don't always come twice. They're the 1 percent that you cross paths with and might as well be as rare as a shooting star.
For me, the challenge comes in breaking the cycle of bad behavior, where I date men who inevitably break my heart, or the relationship dissolves because we don't want the same things.
It's a bad cycle that ends in wasted time, hurt feelings and a repetition of mistakes I don't care to make.
I'm done with potential. I'm done with settling solely for the potential of a good man or a good relationship. I'll stop letting my fear of change and disruption in my plan keep me from being with someone who could change my life for the better.
For all we know, the good ones could be the life-altering type of men, who change the course of our life in ways we didn't foresee — positive ways. You just have to be open to that experience, even if it might end in heartbreak.