It's happened to all of us.
You go on a first date with someone you end up having so much fun with that you call every single friend to tell them you met someone rad.
Then, you frantically wait for that person to text, call or send smoke signals for a second date.
Yet, sometimes it doesn't happen. Sometimes you think you've hit it off with a person and made it crystal clear that you're digging them, and then, you never hear from them or see them again, except for when you stare at their Tinder profile.
What went wrong?
I've been in this situation so many times that I needed to find out. I was tired of being heartbroken after spending three to four hours with a guy I actually enjoyed talking to, only to never hear from them again.
I started asking these ghosters why they didn't ask me out on a second date. Of course, I waited a while before doing that — like weeks or months. Once, I ran into a guy at a Dashboard Confessional reunion concert a month after our first and last date, and I had to ask him what happened.
They all said the same thing, “Jen, I liked you a lot, but I didn't think you wanted to see me again.”
Excuse me, what? How did I give off that vibe? Was it my job to let them know I wanted to go out again? How was I supposed to do that without seeming clingy, obsessed or desperate?
So you don't make the same mistakes that I did while dating, here's advice from six dating coaches on how to let a guy know you're down to see him again, so you actually do see him again.
1. Touch him.
Throughout the first date, find an excuse to put your hands on him. Wipe some imaginary dirt off his shoulder, or fix his crooked tie. Being in close proximity to him sends the message that you're interested in him, as opposed to being aloof and keeping your distance.
— Melissa Kay, women's dating and relationships blogger
2. Mention your availability.
If by the end of the first date he hasn't set up a second date, simply say as you are about to leave, "I am around next Saturday/free next Saturday evening,” or “I've never been to restaurant X, have you?" If he is interested, he will respond with a suggestion for a dinner or something else, or he will offer another day to take you out again.
— Patrick Wanis, human behavior and relationship expert for The National Association of Divorce for Women & Children
3. Be extra nice.
Give him a sincere — but unexpected — compliment. "You handled that perfectly... Your taste in music is great... You smell lovely." Expected compliments feel good. Unexpected compliments make a huge, lasting impact and are a strong signal that you would like a second date.
— Julienne Derichs, LCPC, a licensed clinical professional counselor
4. Keep the first date going.
One of the most effective ways to let a guy know you want round two is to extend round one. If your first date is a just for coffee or drinks, suggest a walk around the neighborhood or — even better — an impromptu visit to a fun event in the area to keep the date going. Your interest in spending more time with him will be apparent. Plus, he will appreciate the spontaneity, since it indicates that you are an exciting, intriguing person that he should want to get to know more fully.
— Samantha Daniels, relationship expert and founder of The Dating Lounge dating app
5. Be upfront.
Men are literal creatures and do not understand mixed signals. If you had a great time on your first date, give him a hug at the end of the date and verbally tell him, "You are great — I had a blast! I would love to do this again!" Once you have been upfront with him, it's time to sit back and let him lead! The ball is in his court, so now that he knows that you are into a second date, it is his job to shoot you a text or call to plan your second date.
— Alessandra Conti, a personal matchmaker and dating coach at Matchmakers In The City
6. Give them a smooch.
What better way to let someone know you want to see them again than with some physical actions? Make sure you give him a kiss at the end of the date (or maybe during) to pass that message on that you want to continue that kissing another time.
— Dr. Nikki Goldstein, client relationship expert