We all lie. There’s no denying it, and if you try to, then you’re lying.
Lying has become a part of our everyday lives, and there’s no way around it.
When your coworker asks you, “How’s your day going?” and you quickly respond, “Good, you?” — when, in fact, you were late for work and spilled coffee on your white shirt — you're lying.
When your friends ask you where you’ve been, and you say you’re “so busy” — when, in fact, you’re only hanging out with your new boyfriend — you're lying.
Lies can range from tiny to life-changing. But regardless of its size, a lie is still a lie.
Through trial and error, most of us have learned lying usually does more harm than good.
Even at a young age, we tend to recognize telling one lie will lead to another, and then usually that lie turns into a mess and disaster.
We develop morals often after making huge mistakes, and we decide lying isn’t worth our time.
As always, though, there are exceptions. There are people who learn lying is wrong, but they still do it. It’s not that they don’t have morals, but something just doesn’t click.
Maybe they’ve gotten away with lying too many times, or maybe they just enjoy doing it. Whatever the reason, some people become masters at lying, and they trick you into believing even their lies are the truth.
I happened to date one of these people. Prior to dating him, I knew I never wanted to date someone with an alcohol or drug addiction, but I didn’t realize an addiction to lying existed.
Throughout our relationship, there were numerous times he lied to me. At first, I denied them. There’d be times I knew I was right, but he’d convince me otherwise.
There were times even he knew he was lying, but he couldn’t admit it. Lying was a strong addiction, and it was something I couldn’t make him shake. I couldn’t tell on him or try to send him to some kind of rehab.
Every time I wanted to speak up, I second-guessed myself and realized how crazy I sounded. At one point, I completely convinced myself I had trust issues, and I somehow made up his lies.
The truth is an addiction is an addiction. Whether it's drugs or lying, I learned the hard way dating a person with any kind of addiction is impossible. I tried to love him, but it was never enough. I came to realize he loved his lies more than me.
Here are the signs of a liar I wish I had known before dating one:
1. They lie frequently.
We all know we should trust our gut instincts. If your immediate thought is that the person you’re talking to is lying to you, you’re probably right.
Compulsive liars will lie about anything and everything. Their lies are subtle and small, so they often go unnoticed. This can make it difficult to decide if they’re telling the truth or not.
2. They're always seeking attention.
If the person you’re talking to seeks attention in an overwhelming way, he or she is probably a liar.
Liars will often bend the truth as a way to try to impress you. They want you to notice them, and they’ll fish for compliments.
They’ll act kind of like 4-year-old children who are continually saying, “Mom, look what I’m doing! Look what I did! Look at me!”
3. They have self-esteem issues.
Often, the reason people lie is because they want to avoid certain realities or perceptions about themselves. Lying gives them a sense of ego-boosting power. They can be whoever they want to be, if they lie about it.
4. Their body language is telling.
You can learn a lot about a person solely through his or her body language.
For “beginner” liars, they won’t look you in the eye. They’ll look at the floor or the ceiling, but they won’t make eye contact. However, for more “advanced” liars, they’ll look you straight in the eyes and still lie to you.
Some other body language signs are if they stand with their arms crossed, or if they turn away from you because they don’t want to look at you. In extreme cases, people will start to sweat because they’re so nervous about lying.
If they’re fidgety and unable to look at you, they're probably lying.
5. Their stories always change.
The problem with liars is even they don’t know their own stories. The stories they tell you and the stories you hear them tell their friends sound like completely different scenarios.
Or, they’ll tell you a story today, but that same story will be different tomorrow. After all, liars are great storytellers.
6. They're unable to confront the truth.
Compulsive liars have an inability to confront the truth. They won’t admit to anything, even if you beg them.
Once they’ve told one lie, they feel like it’s their rightful duty to stick to it. Even if you know the 100 percent absolute truth about something, they’ll still convince you you’re wrong and they’re right.
They don’t want to confront the truth and admit they’re wrong.
If these signs sound familiar, I’ll go ahead and tell you to run as fast as you can. Walking away won’t be enough because every time you try to leave, their lies will convince you to stay.
Don’t wake up one day and realize everything you thought was real was a lie. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of living in a false reality.
Trust your gut, trust your instincts and trust yourself because sometimes, those are the only things that are true.