I Have Nothing To Hide, But My Dates Still Can't Add Me On Social Media


I've officially been swiping left and right, sending messages and answering pseudo-philosophical questions with potential suitors longer than I've been in a committed relationship. I've been on more awkward, exciting, creepy and sexy dates than I can count.

I'm even considered to be somewhat of a dating expert among my friends and associates.

Yet, as skilled at dating as I can sometimes be, there is still a part of the game I refuse to play. I may like a guy. I may even be on the verge of loving him.

He may make my knees weak and my mouth dry. But he absolutely can't instantly become my friend or follower on any social media platform, at least during our first month of dating.

I've received more penis pics, prepositions to be a sex slave and offers to cheat than I care to share. But nothing surprises me more than when I first meet a guy who asks for my Instagram handle or name on Facebook before having one phone conversation with me.

It's as if he's hoping that each photo or post will reveal more about me than simply just asking about the time I took a road trip to Maine, or how I felt when I lost that job two years ago. I don't call this interest or attraction. I call this good old-fashioned laziness.

The men I meet who liberally search for me in order to request my friendship without informing me of it are really just asking for me to be more concerned than smitten. I know the more modern background check lies in our ability to scan social media sites, but nothing makes me want to run in the opposite direction more than adding a guy I may like to my friend list before I ever hear his voice or read a text from him.

I'm all for doing a little research. But noticing my new hairstyle or how many times I go out with my best friends won't reveal any important information about me, no matter how often he checks my page.

I'm a single woman. On most days, I wear this banner proudly. I don't even place private settings on my social media accounts because I have nothing to hide.

Yet, when I ask men why they want to immediately become acquainted via Facebook, they usually give me some charming answer such as, “Well, I just wanted to see what your life was like, or if you had a boyfriend.” Um, hello?

The truth is, it's easy to misinterpret a photo of my younger brother that I titled, "the love of my life." But no one could ever mistake my actual answer.

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You should make the effort to ask, rather than just assume. Whatever happened to the mantra, "If you want to know something, just ask?" When did we start allowing our social media profiles to create images of ourselves that aren't further validated by human contact? I'm all for future social and technological thinking, but not when it relates to the people I date.

Have men become so lazy and insecure, they would rather let photos, silly posts and emojis dictate their level of attraction? Or am I just being too old-fashioned by thinking one phone call can do more than Facebook or Twitter ever could?

I don't want to always share my fascination with the man I'm dating by announcing my adoration and updating my relationship status. I don't need subliminal posts to validate my feelings.

I just need a man to take the first step with regard to calling me or asking me out. I don't need him to like my profile pictures.

Is that too much to ask?