You Can't Force It: What It's Like To Date A Guy Who Can't Keep Up

by Gigi Engle

There are too many times when an untamable woman meets a guy who just can’t hang.

We’re glorious creatures, ladies; we’re wild and free and oh so jaded to the world around us. We’re fabulous.

But every once in a while, a guy comes along whom we think will be good for us.

A normal guy. A guy whom we think will be our rock. A guy who will tame us and make us feel grounded. This guy looks great on paper. He feels like a great blouse from Ann Taylor Loft; it might not be our style, but we try it on anyway.

Because we should want that stability, right? We should want to have someone in our lives who understands us and makes us want to check our “bad” behavior at the door, right?

We sometimes end up getting involved with guys who are definitely nice, but just can’t handle us. It isn’t their fault, and it isn’t ours.

They just don’t have the grit to deal with the beautiful disaster that is our lives.

It’s hard to accept that such an awesome person is just ill-equipped to be what you need: understanding.

A guy who doesn’t understand and accept you for the cyclone you are is never going to be able to be what you need to settle down.

In the end, you will end up resenting him. He reminds you that you don’t want to be handled.

He could be a “perfect guy,” but that doesn’t mean he’ll be perfect for you.

He makes you constantly explain yourself.

When you’re with a guy who doesn’t accept the decisions you make, it feels like you’re constantly explaining yourself. You find yourself trying to change your actions to appease him.

Everything you do is subject to scrutiny. He makes you feel like you’re always doing something wrong, and that ends up draining you of your vibrancy.

He constantly questions your motives.

Somehow, everything you do has some kind of destructive purpose.

Because you decided to go up on Tuesday, you obviously have your priorities misplaced; because you didn’t text him back, you’re obviously off doing something “bad.” He just can’t see the good in you.

He makes you feel like you’re always apologizing.

Your boyfriend should make you feel good about yourself. He shouldn’t constantly be judging you, making you feel like you need to be sorry for everything you do.

You should be unapologetically happy with your life. You need to breathe, forgive yourself and move on from your mistakes, not be forced to dwell on them.

He makes you feel like damaged goods.

He makes you feel like your amazing, messy, complicated past has tainted you. You feel like your experiences have made you stronger, but he makes you feel like they’ve ruined you.

The image you see reflected in his eyes is worthless and broken.

He makes you feel crazy.

You always knew you were slightly neurotic and a bit over dramatic, but your boyfriend makes you feel legitimately crazy. He has a brilliant way of making you feel alienated from the world around you.

Feeling like you’re crazy is a unique condition. It makes you question yourself and every decision you make or have made in the past.

Everything that once felt normal no longer feels normal. Being with someone who makes you unsure of your sanity will make you insane.

He makes you want to get more out of control.

You feel like you need to go out and make bad choices just to feel again. Life with your boyfriend makes you feel numb and powerless.

You’re bored trying to be so “together” all the time.

So, when you do let your hair down, you end up acting even more ridiculous.

It’s OK; he’s going to make you apologize regardless after all. You just cannot do anything right.

He makes you question all of your other relationships.

Since he “takes it upon himself” to point out what a hot mess you are on a regular basis, he makes you wonder if your friends are keeping it real with you.

If they are fine with you going out and having fun but your boyfriend isn’t, are they good friends?

His misguided “protectiveness” ends up damaging every other good relationship you have in your life. Girl, your aggression is directed at the wrong person.

He makes you acquiesce to some standard.

You feel like you have be some “perfect” woman for him. He has a set of criteria he wants in a girlfriend, and it’s just not you. It’s not even realistic. He means well, but he drains you of your personality.

He took you on, thinking he could change you, thinking he could break your wings to fit the mold he had in his head.

The more he tries to tame you, the more trapped you feel. You just can’t be with someone who doesn’t love you just the way you are.

He makes you feel like you can’t trust yourself.

The worst thing of all is how he diminishes your confidence. He takes away from the single most important relationship you have: the one with yourself.

You lose faith in your capabilities and start to lean on him for everything. This isn’t the kind of woman you are. If your boyfriend makes you stop trusting yourself, he isn’t someone you should have in your life.

You are untamable. Don’t lose your spark for the sake of having a relationship.

The relationship you deserve is with a guy who can hang.

He’s out there.