From "Knocked Up" to "Beauty and the Beast," Hollywood tells no shortage of tales where the “nice guy” gets his dream girl in the end. And even in real life, we’ve all watched a couple walk down the street and wondered, “How did he pull that off?”
As a life coach, I’ve noticed a pattern among men who succeed in the game of love, and it has less to do with six-pack abs or a massive fortune than you’d think. It’s actually a set of basic beliefs and practices that anyone can learn and master.
So, if you consider yourself more Average Joe than Romeo and want to rev up your dating karma, these five tips are for you:
1. Drop your limiting beliefs about dating.
If I had a dime for every guy who’s told me “all the good ones are taken,” “girls are only interested in money,” “girls don’t date short guys” or "there are no hot girls in my school/workplace/OKCupid feed," I’d be loaded.
But by accepting these so called “truths” about women, you set yourself up for failure in dating. The next time you catch yourself in one of these negative thought patterns, immediately come up with at least one example that disproves it (we both know you can).
This is so crucial because life tends to mirror our expectations, and a negative attitude can easily turn into a negative dating reality. Plus, negativity is not exactly a turn on, just saying!
2. Get to the root of your insecurity.
The first step to becoming more confident in love is figuring out where your insecurity stems from. Were your parents really hard on you as a kid? Did your high school crush break your heart into a million pieces?
Men are culturally conditioned not to express hurt feelings and insecurities, and as a result, these unprocessed emotions tend to fester and wreak havoc on their love lives.
To start moving past your dating gremlins, think back to a time when your confidence was tested. What happened? What did you believe to be true about yourself as a result? Is that belief serving you? If not, it’s time to start letting it go.
3. Fake it until you make it.
In the words of my friend and fellow life coach, Brad Bergersen, “You have to believe that she's not out of your league. And you may have to act your way into this belief at first. Even if you have insecurities, you don't have to put them on display.”
I couldn’t agree more. Acting more confident than you feel is especially relevant when it comes to making the first move. Too many guys take themselves out of the game before it’s even started because they’re scared to hear the word "no." Get over that fear of rejection, and you’ll be surprised how often you end up hearing “yes” instead.
4. Use the "friend zone" to your advantage.
For most men there are few things worse than the dreaded "friend zone," but it actually has a lot to teach you.
Aside from the fact that women tend to make extremely supportive and amazing friends, platonic relationships with the opposite sex give you valuable insight into what women want.
They also make you much more comfortable and confident around women, which will carry over to the object of your affections. The next time a girl you’re crushing on says she just sees you as a friend, choose not to view it as a slight.
Instead, look at the situation as an opportunity to learn more about women, and improve your game going forward.
5. Treat her like a queen.
I can say from experience that the fastest way into a woman’s heart is to make her feel seen and special.
To do this, you need to pay attention. What are her beliefs? How does she take her coffee? What is she most proud of? What lights her up?
Taking a real interest in who she is as a human being is the most important thing you can do to woo the girl who seems “out of your league.” According to Bergersen,
Amazing women are like diamonds. Your job is to learn to love and appreciate every facet of this diamond. And if you take that on -- being vulnerable, meeting her where she's at-- she will fall for you, too.
Do you agree with these tips and/or have any other dating gems to share? Post them in the comments below!
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It