First Date Fails

by Trophy Wife

There were no uncomfortable silences, you held her gaze all night and she laughed at all your jokes – it was basically the definition of a perfect date! You thought for sure you’d see her again – but why hasn’t she responded to your voicemail or replied to your texts?

Ever wonder why a first date didn’t make it to round two? Little did you realize, but you probably committed one of the following first date fails:

Going Dutch

Yes – I know it’s 2013 and all women know how to start a fire, wrestle a bear and all that. While we do enjoy being independent, we don’t want to continue dating a tightwad.

Be a gentleman and pay for the first date, it's not a sign that we will consider you our sugar daddy in the future. While we often do the obligatory reach for the check, don’t take us up on it. After all, if you couldn’t afford to take us out, why did you ask in the first place?

Cell Phone

It’s sweet that you want to tell all your social media friends that you’re excited to be out on a date with us – we’re excited too! However, checking your cell phone every 10 minutes or leaving it out on the dinner table is a huge turn off.

Not only is it disrespectful and distracting as you are not giving us your undivided attention, it also makes us think that you’re waiting for something better to come along. No lady wants to be anyone’s sloppy seconds. Keep your phone in your pants.

Ex Factor

We all have a past – hell, I f*cked a man whom I had absolutely no interest in for months, just because he had a nice pool. Anyway, the point is that we are all someone’s sloppy seconds, or fifth or sixtieth, but making us aware of your shady past is more of a fifth date thing.

Talking about your exes creates an awkward tension that will no doubt carry through the entire evening. If you’re dissing them it makes us think that you’re petty and small.

If you randomly bring them up in an anecdote, it makes us think that you’re not over her yet and she’s constantly on your mind. It’s best to let us find out about what kind of an ex-boyfriend you are for ourselves.

Delayed Gratification

Being fashionably late for a party is fine – no one wants to be the eager beaver who arrives at 7pm on the dot only to have to help set the table. Guys – we know you don’t want us to think that you’re too interested, but the jig was up when you asked us out.

Showing up anything more than 15 minutes late without a text or an email makes us think that you’re unreliable and of the opinion that you’re time is more important than ours – and we pretty much know you’re never going to go down on us either.


You won second place in your grade 5 spelling bee? You can burp the entire alphabet backwards? It’s great that you’re so successful and talented, but when every word out of your mouth is something that you’ve accomplished or an award you’ve received, your date is going to think that you have no room for her in your life because you’re already in love – with yourself.


It’s great that you feel so comfortable around us already to be so open about your life – not. We’re not your therapist; we are not interested in helping you work out why you can’t seem to get over the death of your pet Hamster from when you were seven.

The constant head nodding that you’re interpreting as sympathetic and understanding is actually masking our inner thoughts of quietly asking the waiter for our entrée to go.

The Trophy Wife | Elite.