What It's Like To Feel Crazy Because You've Never Loved Someone So Much

by Gigi Engle

Being in love is a truly beautiful thing.

And let me say that no matter how independent you are, you're still looking for love. You're still hoping to find a mate.

Our hearts are just meant to be given away.

But doing this isn't as easy you'd think, especially for extremely self-sufficient and independent people. We don't take easily to love; we reject it.

We're a little jaded and a lot skeptical. Having your heart broken is reason enough to lock it up behind a cast-iron fence, never to see the light of day.

Heartbreak is a pain so exquisitely awful that it feels like your insides have been covered with battery acid. It's nearly impossible to feel like you will ever be okay again, so you don't even want to try.

Needless to say, falling in love is really f*cking scary. It can make even the most rational and sane people feel completely deranged and ridiculous.

People like to say that love can make you do crazy things. Well, for someone who isn't used to love -- for someone who is basically allergic to it -- love can actually MAKE you crazy.

There is nothing that will melt your logical marbles faster than being completely, head-over-heels, cannot-live-without-it, would-die-without-it, need-you-more-than-air love.

You know the feelings. They’re amazing, wonderful, terrifying, awful, fabulous, incredible and [insert every other extreme adjective in our language].

Your once-resilient personality is replaced by a lovey-dovey, absurd mess.

You feel completely comfortable and completely nervous.

You vacillate between periods of extreme hatred and euphoric love, and you can't just feel calm about anything. You're the proverbial bull in a china shop. Your love seems so strong and yet so fragile.

You're so happy with your SO. You're with your best friend all the time -- who, as a bonus, you also get to bang.

But it's a constant struggle between easy happiness and extreme terror. Your greatest fear is that this could end.

It's easier to be jealous than it is to be happy.

Being completely vulnerable is really f*cking scary. So it's easier to indulge in feelings of jealousy than to let yourself admit how open your heart is.

Because of this, you end up acting out of character. You find yourself being completely psycho and unreasonable, because you simply have no other way of protecting yourself. Everything irks you.

You question an innocent girl's comment on his Facebook picture. He wants to go with his friends one night, and you wonder if he's cheating on you.

In some convoluted way, it feels like the best thing to do is push your partner away. That way, he or she can never get too close.

The thought of losing your partner makes you physically ill.

You end up making yourself sick thinking about all the ways this relationship could end.

The idea of losing this person makes your stomach churn. It feels like someone’s dripping acid into your organs.

And the worst part is that you drove yourself to this level of crazy, because you’re the one who started thinking about it.

This person has so much f*cking power over you that it’s INFURIATING.

You used to be completely in control. Now your partner has a hold over you that you cannot escape.

Your SO can entirely f*ck up your day with one little argument. And one small compliment can make you feel like you're on cloud nine.

If your boo tells you that your hair looks pretty or you look cute in the morning, you treasure that comment for the rest of the day.

You find yourself relating to every love song and poem.

Every single John Legend, Taylor Swift or Adele song (the love ones) sound like they were written for you. It's like these artists went into your soul and borrowed your feelings for their ballads.

You feel like the biggest loser ever for having these songs on repeat. At the same time, you don't really give a sh*t.

It just feels so good to feel so strongly and passionately about someone, and it's nice to know that you're not the only one overcome by love.

The thought of being with another person makes you want to crawl out of your skin.

You can't cheat on someone you love. You cannot. It's completely impossible. When you think about sleeping with, kissing or even touching someone other than your boyfriend of girlfriend, it makes you want to shrivel up and die.

You are in a constant state of longing for your SO. No one else will do. You're so overcome with your desire and love, and it consumes you completely.

You want to tell everyone about it, but you also want to keep everything secret.

Wanting to keep your relationship a secret is a way to protect yourself. You'd feel like a real assh*le if everything blew up in your face just because you decided to go on and on about your awesome SO to your friends.

And when you do gush, you feel so annoying. You can't help but wonder if your friends would be happy if things dissolved -- because then you would shut the f*ck up.

These crazy thoughts are constant, and you don't know what else to do with yourself. You want to make excuses all day to talk about your partner, but you are highly aware you shouldn’t.

You feel like you just can't get close enough to this person.

Nothing makes you feel as close as you want to be. When you cuddle, you wrap yourself around your partner. Even during sex, you find yourself wanting to be even physically closer.

You crave the scent of your partner's skin. You steal his or her clothes so you can smell your sleeve throughout the day. You have a constant itch, and it cannot be scratched.

You want to be INSIDE your partner in a completely non-sexual (OK, also a sexual) way. You're turned on by little things; when your SO touches your hand, you're like, "WHOA!" Your body is one giant electric current when you're around your SO. You're a ball of condensed energy waiting to explode.

You think you're suddenly going to find out this was all a big joke.

You have a very odd fear you're going to find out this is all just a reality show, and that everything about this situation is fake.

How could anyone ever be this happy? You weren't really convinced you could ever feel this way about another person, and yet here you are. You are completely open and in love with another person. This can't possibly be real life.