Remember when the internet declared 2016 the year of the dumpster fire? LOLz. 2017 is the year of actual fires: wild fires and hurricanes have decimated entire communities, tiki torch-wielding white supremacists were called "fine people" by our nefarious dotard, and a "fire and fury" threat triggered Kim Jung Un to re-up his nukes. (Excuse me while I pop a Xanax.) The not-even-really silver lining? From Don and Kim to Don and Ivanka, couple costume ideas 2017 are fit to be lit. (Pun semi-intended.)
As I sit here mulling on how many months are left until the world ends, I realize that now more than ever, Halloween is the escape from reality we all need. I for one am pumped to get dressed up and pretend I'm a kid again for one night. Since 2017 is inherently terrifying, why not go the topical route this 10/31? I love a good pop culture reference in the form of a costume. I would posit that a meme-inspired costume will collect 1.5 times as many Instagram likes as your run-of-the-mill movie character duo. You could just wear a Romphim, or you could grab your salt bae, and pick from this list of 2017/apocalypse-inspired costume ideas together:
1. That La La Land Producer And An Oscar
An oldie but a goodie. In perhaps one of the few moments of "right" triumphing over "wrong" this year— sorry, La La Land fans — actors Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty accidentally announced Damien Chazelle's musical as the winner of "best picture," when Moonlight had most definitely won. The cringy-est part? The La La Land producers made it all the way up onstage and cradled their Oscars before realizing the mistake. Woof.com.
This costume is simple, especially if you're dating a boring-looking dude. Just pop him into a tux and then pop yourself into this gold bodysuit. Make sure to make the envelope that correctly reads "Moonlight" as the winner and feed your partner a tequila shot to give them that "excruciatingly-uncomfortable-but-trying-to-be-brave" look. There's a reason that "SNAFU" is an acronym that stands for "situation normal: all fucked up."
2. Salt Bae And His Meat
Yeah, you knew this was coming. In a colorful moment of meat-dusting exuberance, Turkish chef Nusret Gökçe became a meme god when he posted a video of him preparing a steak. This sh*t went so viral that Leonardo DiCaprio requested a personalized "show" from Salt Bae himself.
Since Gökçe is nothing without his steak, one of you can be the meat while the other can rock the white tee, retro round sunnies, low ponytail, and draw some facial hair on to complete the look. Your real life bae can wear this cheap AF meat costume and you can throw salt on them all night. (Thought: If you are in a hetero couple, have the dude be the meat and you can be Salt Bae because, #feminism? Maybe?)
3. Dr. Phil And The "Cash Me Outside" Girl
OK, so I'm admittedly the most excited about this because of the dressing up like Dr. Phil part. Still, this strange slew of offenses to the English language was an internet fire-bomb, and it will be more recognizable in a couples costume situation. Your bae's Dr. Phil outfit will explain why the F you're wearing those super huge hoop earrings and terrifying claw nails. Add a tank top, make sure your white bra straps show, and straighten your hair to complete the look. Your partner can wear this Dr. Phil wig and mustache and an ill-fitting suit, and you're good to go.
4. Melania And Michelle On Inauguration Day
Melania Trump can wear this or any long-sleeved light blue dress or coat. Michelle Obama can sport a burgundy wool coat. The most important part of this costume? The Tiffany's box. (Weirdly, you can get them on eBay.) If you're the "Michelle" in the situation, make sure you perfect the "what-alternate-reality-is-this?" look.
5. The Ryan Gosling Whispering Meme
Remember the bizarre "let's parade some plebes by the stage!" moment at the Oscars this year? That was gross. Still, it produced a great meme that you and your partner can recreate easily. All you need is a gray hoodie, black windbreaker, a selfie stick, and a look on your face that says, "Holy sh*t, Ryan Gosling's warm whisper is in my ear right now." For Gosling, a tux and smug look will do. Definitely act the moment out.
6. BBC Dad And His Toddler
I LOVED this clip and may have watched it upwards of 14 times in a row. The moment the daughter busts into her dad's home office like she was busting into the club on a Saturday (yes, I stole that from the meme-version of the incident) had me on the crest of peeing my pants every time.
Here's the thing: You can dress as the BBC dad in any navy blazer and red tie — I personally think you should be pantless in true WFH fashion — and his yellow-shirted, kiddie-glasses-wearing daughter, OR you can choose to be the baby boy who comes in hot on wheels. The second baby seems tricky though, unless you can somehow fit this around your mid-section. (Or put a baby doll in a walker on a leash and pull it around.)
7. The Distracted Boyfriend Meme
One of the more solid memes of the year, the Distracted Boyfriend costume is super easy to put together, especially if you are in a couple IRL. The "distracted boyfriend" just needs this shirt and the "girlfriend" just needs this light blue top. Add a blow up doll — I'll let you Google that one on your own — in a red shirt and the meme is complete.
8. Kellyanne Conway And A Couch
Ah, yes, the moment we knew we were all in good hands (feet). Putting your feet on a couch in the oval office is perhaps the ultimate "F you" to the haters. The couch component of this costume is tricky, but I found a very in-depth couch-costume manual here. For Kellyanne, wear this dress and skin-tone socks/shoes on your feet. Was she wearing shoes? Who knows. Also, iPhone required.
OK, so that is the best I could do in terms of 2017-specific costumes. I hope you and the Kellyanne to your couch find a ridiculous and relevant costume to match the year we are in. If none of these float your boat, don't worry, because you know something ridiculous is going to happen between now and October 31. Happy never-ending Halloween, America!