The Aftermath: Why Coping Is The Most Important Step In A Breakup
Dating is hard. Relationships are tough. Breakups, on the other hand, sometimes take more out of you than you realize.
You may have been the one to break up with someone, or maybe you were broken up with. Either way, your life completely changes in the wake of a split.
Some people easily jump from one relationship to the next because it makes them forget about the emotional turmoil caused by the last one. But, if that new relationship fails, you're in somewhat of a mess of covered-up emotions.
I’ve jumped from guy to guy, jumped to anything possible, to make sure I didn’t think about the state my mind was in. I did everything possible to get my ex off my mind, only for him to come back.
Recently, I went through a terrible ending to a part of my life that was very significant. This time, instead of running to the next guy to date, trying to get someone's attention or hooking up, I stepped back.
I stepped back to reevaluate what I wanted; I became completely selfish with my time and with my life.
I have never been selfish with my own time before. The things I learned about myself, my support system and the life I wanted to live were amazing. It takes a lot of emotions to focus on yourself and to make yourself better, but focusing on yourself also allows you to become stronger.
It’s unfair for you to move into another relationship while part of you is still stuck in the last one. Giving yourself time allows you to get the closure you need, even if the closure isn’t from the person you were with.
My life is completely different six months later. I have changed my mindset within my career, focused more on those who make a positive impact on my life, and I have gotten rid of a lot of negativity.
Sometimes, after a breakup, you realize you left a part of your identity with the person you are no longer with. Maybe you gave up hobbies and other friendships to be with your ex.
Fill the extra time you have with revamping an old friendship, or pick up that pottery class you used to take. And, no, you don’t have to reinvent yourself every time you stop dating someone; just take a minute to breathe.
Remember that saying about the need to love yourself first, before someone else can love you? There’s a lot of truth to that. Maybe you have a few cuts and bruises on your heart from your breakup, and there's no shame in being broken-hearted after only a few dates.
Take time to heal in whichever way works for you.
I have recently started dating again. It took me six months after the end of my last relationship to go on my first date.
It wasn’t the usual, easy hang out where we would chill, grab a drink or watch a movie. Instead, it was a legit date; the door was opened for me, dinner was paid for and I laughed the whole night.
I became whole again. I allowed myself to heal; I allowed myself to recover from a toxic part of my life.
Everyone copes differently, and everyone moves on at different levels. However, one thing is the same: You have to completely remove yourself from your last relationship for a while in order to move forward.
That person may come back into your life as your friend or lover, or maybe you will never want him again, but what is meant to be will always find its way.
I believe that taking the time to cope will only help you have a stronger relationship in your future. You can’t be good to someone else unless you are good to yourself first.