Like most problems, what we often don't realize is, we bring horrible first dates upon ourselves by coming up with some of the WORST conversation topics of all time.
I'm a firm believer that there is no such thing as a "boring" person if you manage to ask them the right questions.
But how is someone not supposed to be boring when you bring up the weather?! Like, COME ON.
Here are eight boring conversation topics that you should definitely avoid on a first date:
1. The weather.
"It's so cold."
YES, OBVIOUSLY, IT'S SO COLD. WE ARE BOTH STANDING IN THE SAME CLIMATE. Thank you for stating the obvious.
There is also air in this room, and — get this — we're both breathing it! Any other objective facts you'd like to state?
Think this through for a second: How is anyone actually supposed to respond to that, other than with "Haha, yeah," or "Really? I'm not that cold."
Is that really ALL you can bring to the table? Come on, be better.
2. How you slept last night and how tired you are now.
You feeling a little tired tonight? KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
Still not convinced that this isn't one of the worst conversation topics of all time? Let me paint you a picture of how this convo is inevitably going to go:
"Oh man, I'm so tired."
"Haha, am I that boring?"
*you immediately feel so awkward* "No! No! I just didn't sleep well last night."
"Oh no! Why not?"
"I don't know. I just couldn't really fall asleep."
"That's the worst."
Is that a conversation you want to be having? No, didn't think so.
Oh, while we're at it, she doesn't care about the long, drawn out, super weird dream you had either.
The fact that you were late was already annoying enough. Don't waste EVEN MORE of your date's time trying to explain to her how bad the traffic was that made you so incredibly late.
Or maybe you managed to make it to the date on time DESPITE all of the bumper-to-bumper traffic that was working against you. Trust me, that's not any more interesting.
Honestly, I'm bored even after typing those three sentences.
4. Your ex.
WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA? WHY, GOD, WHY?
And let me be clear: When I say, "WHY, GOD, WHY?" I'm not referring to you as God. I was just asking God how He could make anyone dumb enough to think this was a good idea.
Here's a friendly tip from me to you: If you feel the need to bring up your ex on a date, you're not over them enough to be on said date.
Odds are, your date is familiar with this rule and will not be agreeing to a second date with a pathetic loser who wouldn't shut up about his ex.
5. Your personal health issues.
First of all, gross.
Like, what? Why would you ever want to disgust someone who's entertaining the idea of sleeping with you with the fact that you somehow contracted a weird foot fungus or that you suffer from irritable bowel syndrome?
I don't care how badly your fungus toe is itching. DO NOT BRING IT UP, you sicko.
Go home and cry about it to your mom (the only person who cares) after your date.
6. How cool you were back in school.
Did you play varsity football in high school? COOL.
Were you in a frat in college? EVEN COOLER.
OMG, OMG, wait, was your frat a top house? I'M FAINTING BECAUSE YOU'RE SO COOL.
Unless you just so happened to live across the hall from your date's high school arch nemesis and can provide her with some juicy gossip or solidarity knowing that girl was the worst, an extensive reliving of your glory days is totally unnecessary.
Your date really doesn't care, and honestly, you shouldn't care anymore either.
First dates are supposed to be pleasant, happy experiences. I mean, obviously, they don't always pan out that way, but that's the goal, right? Right.
Don't ruin it with boner-kill conversation topics like politics.
No matter what your political views are, the political state of our nation right now is sad. People don't want to think about it when they're trying to have a PLEASANT and HAPPY experience.
Save your sad thoughts for when you're at home alone, listening to Adele and crying about the state of our nation.
8. How much money you have.
If you even think about bringing this up, odds are, you are a douche who's probably going to manage to ruin this date in some other way, so I don't know if this is even worth mentioning.
But think of it this way: Is the type of person who's going to be more attracted to you because of money the type of person you even want to be going on a date with?
If it is, we've got bigger issues here.
And now, you have literally no excuse to have a bad first date. I tried my best, so your trainwreck dates are on you from here on out.