We’ve all had the one person we kept around for no reason other than that he was there.
Two in the morning rolls around, and you’re feeling lonely. Who are you going to call? Him.
You don’t have to deal with an awkward morning after because you two have a routine. You don’t have to worry about being rejected because you know he’ll answer. You don’t have to worry about feeling self-conscious because you honestly don’t really give a sh*t about him or what he thinks.
This sounds ideal. Why wouldn’t it be? It’s easy, and it’s one of the few romantic arrangements that makes you essentially invincible.
The only problem is this: As much as we want to believe we're invincible, we aren't. Because if the convenient hookup doesn’t end up hurting your feelings, it will hurt your ego.
Either way, it doesn't make you happy.
So here are 15 ways your convenient f*ck buddy is actually making you really, really sad.
1. There is a small part of you that thinks this needs to turn into something more.
But the thing is that you don’t WANT it to be anything more. You just know that’s what you are SUPPOSED to want, so you trick yourself into believing it.
2. You're confusing convenience for real feelings.
“I go home with him every time I’m drunk. That HAS to mean I actually like him, right?!”
No. No, it does not. It could really just mean you are drunk, lazy and too scared to put yourself out there with someone you actually might feel something for.
3. You're in an "arrangement" completely driven by ego.
Normal, healthy relationships are driven by mutual love and respect. Convenient arrangements (I am not going to call them “relationships”) are driven by nothing more than your desire to serve yourself.
You don’t want him to like you back; you just want him to like you.
4. It's standing in your way of finding something real.
Your convenient hookup may not mean anything, but it still takes up time. And all of that time you are spending having an "eh" pork sesh with someone you aren’t even that into could be spent meeting and falling for someone you have a real connection with.
5. You're mistaking decent sex for good sex.
You let yourself become so content with “good” that you have forgotten what it’s like to be WOWed by “great.”
6. It is fleeting.
The convenient f*ck buddy is the biggest contradiction because the relationship is simultaneously so stable and so fleeting.
You keep going back because you know it’s always there. But there’s also a little part of you that knows not to believe in that “always.” Because the night will come when you call and he doesn't pick up.
7. You find yourself developing feelings as the person grows on you.
If you spend enough time with a person, feelings are bound to happen -- whether they make sense or not.
8. You are either leading somebody on or letting yourself be led.
Most of all, you are leading yourself on. It’s like you are a used car salesman trying to sell yourself on a car with a busted engine.
9. You are selling yourself short.
The bottom line is that going for a convenient f*ck buddy is the epitome of settling. You are settling for less when you deserve so much more.
10. You are letting this setup foil your image of love.
There's that little voice in the back of your head that says, This really MIGHT be as good as it’s going to get. So why give it up?
11. You are scared by your own ability to settle.
It happens one morning: You guys are having a natural and decent conversation. It feels normal -- almost natural. And that scares the sh*t out of you.
Deep down, you know you didn’t REALLY enjoy that. You know that leaving him means being more than just content.
Nevertheless, you choose to go back. And every single time you do, you confirm your ability and willingness to settle.
12. You are never in the moment.
No, every second you spend with this person is nothing more than time wasted. This person doesn’t matter. He’s a placeholder until someone real comes along.
Tell me again -- how are you going to meet this magical next guy when you’re leaving the bar hand in hand with your placeholder?
13. Your sunday scaries are so much worse.
As if work and regrettable health choices aren’t already terrifying enough, you have to deal with the additional anxiety surrounding whatever the f*ck it is you are doing with your “love” life.
14. You feel a false allegiance to the person.
You logically know that you don’t really owe this person anything, but that doesn’t stop you from thinking twice before you go home with someone different. And that same allegiance makes you feel betrayed the night he decides to go home with someone else.
15. At the end of the day, “because he’s there” is not true love.
And it’s as simple as that.