Everyone loves a “cool girl.” She's the girl who's down for a laid-back date at a brewery, sharing appetizers. She talks about casual topics, but will also hold a conversation with you about serious things.
She is easy to talk to, and you know she doesn't judge. So you come to her with every trial and tribulation you may have in your life. The “cool girl” is laid-back to the max.
She's just happy spending time with you, which usually makes her a cheap date. You won't have to go to extremes to plan the perfect first date. You can message her last minute, and if she's free, she will meet you around the corner at the bar after work.
She won't argue about splitting the bill. However, all of these great things don't mean she isn't worth the effort from time to time.
You may take pride in being this easygoing kind of lady, and might even act like it's a great thing. But every now and then, you will start to see how being a "cool girl" can sometimes turn around and bite you in the ass:
1. You will rarely get taken out on a nice date.
Sure. It's great to pick a laid-back location for a date. First dates are nerve-wracking, and having them at fancy restaurants makes them even worse.
However, you want your dates to know how nice it is to be taken somewhere "dress-up worthy." Instead of letting them give you the power to choose the location of the first date, leave it solely up to them.
How you allow them to treat you on the first date will set the tone for what will come in the future (in the hopes that there is one). Suck it up, go somewhere nice and have a glass of wine to calm your nerves like a grown woman.
2. You are unintentionally setting low standards for yourself.
It is absolutely great for a woman to be independent, but it is nice to feel like your man enjoys taking care of you. If you split the bill with him on the first date, he will always expect to split the bill with you.
Men are creatures of habit, and they will get used to not having to spend a lot of money taking you out. The very least he can do is walk you to your car after you've split the bill.
Sadly, I once had to walk down the street by myself at night because the guy didn't walk me to my car. I didn't ask him to, but still.
I ended up dating him for eight months. He never went out of his way for me, and he didn't even give me a gift on my birthday. But I set him up for this from day one, so I really can't blame him. We live and we learn.
It's also easy to let the losers slip in: the ones who don't have their lives together. First, they're splitting the $20 bill. Then, you're walking into their filthy apartments and wondering how they survive on their own.
3. Gentlemen? Those will be hard to find.
There has been a shift in standard mannerisms over the years. It's hard to find a man willing to be gentleman. If he feels as though he can get out of holding doors open for you and giving you his jacket when he sees you shiver, chances are, he isn't going to do any of those things.
Gentlemanly behavior has dissipated so much. When I was on a date recently, I was so completely thrown off when he went to open my car door, I walked to the car besides his, thinking he was getting into the driver's side.
4. If you do start to speak out against these men, they will be completely baffled.
Starting a relationship with your beau by making him think you are laid-back to the max will also make him believe you will never, ever speak out against him. No matter what he does, he will think, “Nah. My girl is cool. She won't care.”
Typically, these situations are a matter of women wanting guys to think they're super laid-back. Women want men to think they won't ever say anything. But in reality, they won't hesitate to call the men out on all their sh*t.
First of all, don't set yourself up for a failing relationship by pretending to be someone you're not. Second, don't expect your man to accept you if you aren't being real from the start. Third, if you really don't care to call him out on his sh*t, you need to reevaluate whether or not he is the one for you.
5. The passion disappears faster than it should.
This will probably happen because the men get too comfortable too soon. It's nice to have a couple of formal dates with a potential new partner.
Don't just jump right into “Netflix and chill.” Men need to feel like it's important to impress you.
If the relationship starts with him feeling comfortable on his couch, you can expect the fire of passion to burn out quickly. This also tends to lead to staying in more. Make him take you out of his comfort zone (aka, out of his apartment).
You can be the coolest girl in the world and still make a guy work to win you over. If you're too casual about the dating game, guys will treat you like one of the boys (but like you have a vagina, so they can still have sex with you).
Being direct will also make them a lot more likely to commit. It doesn't make you any less of a woman to want a man to treat you like a lady, and it doesn't make you high-maintenance to want to be taken out for a good meal and great craft beer (or wine).