Why We Need To Unapologetically Go After What We Want In Relationships

by Zoe Brown

Double standards: They’re all over, especially in the world of dating.

As women, we want to be treated as equals.

So why is it that when it comes to wanting sex or a relationship of any kind, we give guys the control and are fine with taking the backseat?

I was explaining to my friend what I was trying to say in this article, and I was about to say this piece was about how women "don't have balls."

A second later, I realized how terribly contradicting that explanation would have been.

Women don't have balls, and women don't need balls to make the first move or go for a guy.

Too many times, my girlfriends have said to me, “But if he likes me, why isn’t he asking me to hang out?”

I always respond, “But if you like him, why aren’t you asking him to hang out?”

In society today, it’s stereotypical to expect guys to go for girls.

And then it’s confusing because there’s the expectation men must be gentlemen.

Part of that expectation seems to be they will put in all the effort and open all the doors, both literally and figuratively.

Listen, I get it, but I don't agree.

If you want something, you shouldn’t wait around to see if maybe you’ll get lucky, and the outcome you want will just fall into your lap.

The odds are not in your favor here, so go after it with everything you’ve got instead.

This goes for everything, from working hard to get the job of your dreams to training to run a faster mile, to making a move on a guy you like.

So one day, during my junior year of high school, I met a senior boy I wanted to get to know.

We would say hi to each other in the halls and hang out at parties, but nothing more.

So I got his number from a friend, found an excuse to text him and a few months later, we started dating.

What if I’d accepted that it was his job to text me if he was interested?

What if I just sat back and wondered if he would ever make a move?

I would have missed out on the amazing relationship we ended up having.

Now that I’m single, I still go about things this way.

If I see a guy I’m into at a party, I’ll go up to him and ask why he’s not dancing, or if he is dancing, I’ll jokingly make fun of him to strike up conversation.

Then if there’s someone I already know and like, I’ll tell him I like him or have a crush on him.

The worst that could happen is he won't feel the same way, but either way, he'll most likely be flattered by my confession.

Sometimes it’s hard not to take rejection personally when it seems like there’s no other way to describe it.

But think about it: You can’t help the people you’re attracted or not attracted to.

It’s just how you feel.

Not every attempt will turn into something, but taking the chance is always worth your time.

Just like with anything else in life, you win some, and you lose some.

But when it does work out with a boy you go for, then who cares if you were the one to initiate?

If he's good for you, he'll reciprocate the effort you put in.

And if it doesn't work out in your favor, then at least things worked out honestly.

At least you tried, and now you can move on and waste no more time going for something that isn’t meant to be.

If nothing is ventured, then nothing is gained.

Don't feed into double standards and stereotypes.

They're just as unfair to men as they are to women.

Be confident. Be strong. Be unapologetic.

Go get what you want.