Why Celibacy Before Commitment Is Rare In Today's Hook-Up Culture
Dating is a game, a multiplayer one, with unwritten rules and regulations that generational norms impose. Men and women alike are inspired to follow these rules in order to achieve an equal and opposite partnership.
The game only involves safely treading in shallow waves of water at the initial meeting and greeting. It’s not until both parties land at the doorstep of an apartment that the climax begins.
The mark of a successful first date used to be a timid peck on the lips and a promise of a ring-a-ding-ding emanating from a cell phone in the near future. It was soft, sweet and innocent.
Not even 10 years ago, 20-somethings easily understood a kiss was step one and there was no necessary haste to sprint to step two at such a delicate moment during stranger status. Due time held value.
Today, leaving a person with a peck that lasts mere seconds is admission into a danger zone where penalties are forever goodbyes.
The casual hook-up culture our generation has cultivated has pushed the pressure to go beyond a quick peck to rapidly underneath sweaty sheets, made of Egyptian cotton.
Just as we expect our wishes and whims for immediate gratification, the slightest twitch of excited genitalia screams for the instigator to satiate it.
Sex and dating are synonymous. However, in every relationship there comes a time when a question undoubtedly arises: When should we have sex? The pressure to put out before someone else comes alone, who is willing to do so, haunts the clarity of the decision-making process.
For those who aim to acquire more than a forgetful, meaningless encounter, time is of the essence when it comes to sex.
Bravo’s sharp-tongued love guru, Patti Stanger, preaches that whether you’re 18 or 80, the key to establishing a successful relationship is to have no sex before monogamy. That means no anal, oral or vaginal sex before exclusivity is declared.
Considering, in sane terms, it should take between two and four months before two people decide to commit, the "Millionaire Matchmaker" owes every Millennial viewer a refund.
For those of us who find sex emotional, as opposed to a sport, prematurely engaging in sex is dangerous territory when you're seeking more than a notch on your bedpost.
When do you give in? And, more importantly, do you have to give in to hang on to someone?
Stanger vehemently says no. Her flaw, however, is ageist ignorance. First, acknowledging the fact she’s a reality-TV-produced “celebrity,” her clients are stereotypically middle-aged male disasters, who offer bribes for tolerance.
Anyway, landing a man in this day and age necessitates some updated intel.
Previously, making a man grovel throughout an arduous quest to enter your treasure chest extracted his inner hunter. Putting off intercourse supposedly brought out our innate personas as complementary hunters and gatherers, and produced an organic chase to satiate a craving with a special prize.
The difference is, back in the day, when cavemen roamed the earth, pickings were slim. There were only so many berries scattered across a barren landscape, making it possible to hone in on the gold with total occupation.
Alongside society’s progression, there has been the proliferation of the human race cramped into congested hubs and forced to mingle among their differences.
With so many beings in so many varieties, everyone has the ability to taste the fruits of life until he or she finds one that soothes his or her taste. To maintain a partner, there is pressure to prove your sexual adequacy.
If your body does not freely and willingly shed itself of a clothed exterior with tenacity, there is surely someone a swipe away who is willing to compensate for your "weakness."
The argument that having sex has developed from innate to sensual ignores the powerful community technology has created.
The definition of our dating reality is absent of the realization that commitment before sex nurtures emotional security that is a sensitive issue for women. It hurts when you discover the guy who you describe as “ the one you’re seeing” is active on Tinder the day after you had sex.
Patti says waiting until monogamy will eliminate this possibility. But, today’s fast-paced culture says wake up, clean up and keep competing.
The cycle is pressurized and pedaled by the unstoppable revolution of technology.
Only if technology halts its persistent advancement will options be slim and monogamy seem plausible.