Why Casual Sex Doesn't Have To Be Complicated

by Saskia Starck

Casual sex has been a widely discussed topic with writers, who explore all facets behind this relatively new-age concept.

Sometimes, I wonder how much sex we could be having if we spent less time talking about it and more time actually engaging in it.

In the 21st century, casual sex is never not complicated, and it perplexes even the most liberated of individuals.

The definition of casual sex shows the term should really just be called "friends with benefits."

Simply put, it's two people satisfying their physical needs and avoiding all emotional attachment. It truly is brilliant. People aren’t always seeking emotional relationships, but all people have physical desires.

However, casual sex is rarely ever so simple.

For me, honesty is the key non-negotiable for casual sex.

Keep it honest by directly stating your boundaries, whether that includes a regular Wednesday night hang or the post-drinks meet up.

I can recall nights waiting for that text to invite me over, debating with friends whether to text the guy and worrying about coming across as too interested.

I dreaded the idea that he will think I am getting emotionally attached. This is an absolute waste of time. Why do we need to worry about these unspoken rules? Send the text.

Stop waiting. Stop living the plot of, "He’s Just Not That Into You." Bring the ball into your court and allow yourself to be the sexually liberated women we are allowed to be.

However, as experience has taught me, men often tend to run for the hills at any small sign of honest communication. Women are expressive creatures, so we are labeled as emotionally unpredictable.

This is utterly ridiculous. Ultimately, we are all animals driven by physical desires.

I believe most people can attempt to put their feelings aside, turn off the humanity switch (so to speak) and enjoy being part of the hook-up generation.

As women, sometimes we need clearer lines. I myself find I need to directly state where I stand with casual sex in order to avoid any kind of confusion or possible hurt.

Men need to understand this doesn’t mean women want relationships. An honest conversation does not equate to emotional attachment, and if a woman opens her mouth, it doesn’t mean she will release a detailed account of the inner workings of her heart.

It's merely a bit of honesty to understand the boundaries and continue what could be a physically beneficial liaison.

The “so” conversation, made popular by "That Awkward Moment," isn’t the gateway into relationship land.

Rather, being honest with your friend with benefits will ensure you say what you want. Imagine the amount of time this would save and all the sex there would be if people stop with the mind games.

Guys, say for instance you are out for drinks with all your friends. Do not bail on the commitment last-minute to take home another girl from the bar.

That is not only a problem of honesty, but also lack of respect. If you want a night out, seeing other people, let your hookup know instead of leaving her standing there, perplexed as to what happened.

Finally, sometimes casual sex does evolve into the storyline of "Friends with Benefits." Feelings arise and you'll want to be intimate on a sexual, but also emotional, level.

I have seen this happen to many of my friends and experienced it myself a few times.

You're torn between wanting to confront the issue and risk losing that friend or just continuing to deny it. Things are going well, so why change it?

If feelings have arisen, there are really only two ways to move forward. Ask yourself, do I need that person to like me as much as I like him?

If the answer is yes, tell him. And, if he doesn’t share those feelings, do you really want to keep sleeping with someone who doesn’t want anything more?

Ultimately, what will be will be. Either your man will commit his love for you after your sister's wedding, outside the emergency room in Los Angeles (thank you "No Strings Attached"), or you’ll walk into the sunset alone.

From personal experience, I can confidently say either way, you’ll feel liberated. And, more often than not, if it doesn’t work out, you will eventually realize those so-called feelings were more lust than love.

When it comes down to it, casual sex should be fun. Don’t let these backward strategies and rules guide your way through the hook-up generation.

Say what you need to say and be clear about where your benefits end. Oh and men, remember, women can be just as emotionally detached as you and understanding our honesty could be so very beneficial. In reality, casual sex just doesn’t need to be complicated.