It's been said that when a man lets in his series of multiple relationship failures, it's possible he'll succumb to a dark, desolated and emotional abyss. He has found himself detached to the love around him.
He's emotionless. That's when we say a man is broken.
People have mentioned that a broken man's life is intricate. All that baggage is piled up in his soul. It's like a series of failure stories piling up in the back of his head, deterring him to cherish a glimpse of paradise that is present under his nose.
A broken man can't open his heart fully anymore, no matter how much he wants to.
Honestly, I am a broken man. I could say that to myself. For me, it doesn't have to be multiple failures. Just one epic fail story is enough to shatter the loving heart I once embraced.
I once dedicated my life to a long-term relationship for nearly five years. It failed miserably and changed everything. Yes, I am now an bitter version of myself, more cynical and as hard as a rock.
But, despite it all, it's not that we're totally broken. That statement would be poorly unjustified.
Yes, we've realized we live our lives with greater caution than before. We're definitely not interested in experiencing similar stories to the one we already experienced. But it's not like we're overly judicious either.
We're simply reacting differently now toward romance and relationships. For me, at least it's a small step forward to know what I want.
For women who are currently dating broken men like me: No, we're not treating you as an option. In fact, we'd probably admit that you currently play a big role in our lives.
Because we know, no matter how you and I end up, it's another step for us to be better versions of ourselves. Us or no us, you'll have your name in our hearts, like a permanent emboss on a plaque.
In our defense, we're not rigid, emotionless beings with no regard to the idea of a future. But we do have some things we wish you knew about us:
1. We learn to be present.
We may be slow in taking the giant leaps with you. It may seem like we're giving no regard to your biological time clock, but we're actually the kind of people who would teach you how to dance in the midst of chaos.
We learn the hard way that the future may fool us. There's no guarantee we'll be alive tomorrow or the next day. So we know exactly what it means to be "present."
We may not talk much about marriage and kids too soon (no matter how ready you think we are), but we'll definitely indulge you in our thoughts about the world around us. We might be the ones to teach you to cherish yourself best, and we might be the ones you share your vulnerabilities with.
Because why not? We're vulnerable. Sometimes, we realize we've shattered ourselves willingly.
It's okay to be vulnerable. It's human. We'd like to share that with you.
2. We're just being more logical and realistic.
Don't let our bitterness fool you. It's not to be mistaken for pessimism or a lost will to live. It's the best form of grounded realism, and it can't be found in just anyone. We're just guys who like to keep both feet grounded.
If dreams were balloons, we'd keep enough to stay afloat and keep our feet on the ground. Our bitterness doesn't imply we have no respect whatsoever to your emotional needs. Deep down, we still have those needs, too.
It's just that we're expressing them a little bit more carefully. We take good measure on what to say and give to you. In the end, we're only trying to be more responsible about the things we throw at you.
We understood that in the past, promises had been broken against our will. So now, our words and actions couldn't be more genuine. When we say "I love you," we don't say it out of consensus. We mean it.
When we brought you flowers on your birthday, it's not due to vanity. It's really because we want to.
But when we don't do such things, it doesn't mean we don't care. We just thought the emotional baggage and impact it leaves will have bigger tolls in the future.
What exactly does that mean? Well, honestly, we don't know. But at least we're honest about it.
It doesn't mean we're never going to do such things to you. Just let it slowly seep within our logic. We're still full of surprises.
3. We're not emotionless. We just learned to react better to heartbreak and disappointments.
No, we're not emotionless. Yes, we simply had to become dramatically realistic, but it doesn't mean our hearts can't feel and function the way they used to. We know how it feels to experience broken promises. Trust me: Letting you experience the same kind of emotional turmoil is the last thing we want.
Although we are overly pragmatic at times, our emotional detachment could serve you well, too. We won't bark at you for making mistakes. We understand more, and we tolerate most of your flaws. We realize nobody is perfect.
We argue better, too. It's usually easier for us to have a cold-headed argument when it comes to relationships because we don't really let our emotions add baggage to our daily lives.
Besides, we don't have much contempt to share anyway. Most of us are actually at ease with ourselves, or we have nothing left to lose.
4. It's not that we're damaged for life.
We're getting over things too. Really. It just may be a little bit slower than you'd expect.
Don't worry about us. We'll be fine, just like we always have been. If we still have the will to live, that means we understand things will get better soon. We understand that your presence in our lives serves as an upgrade from our previous selves.
I don't think I could recall stories of broken men staying broken for the rest of their lives. A series of unfortunate heartbreaks also leads us to understand that life is a journey, after all. It's just that ours was not that smooth.
We're probably sorry to drag you down this slow, rocky road with us. But hey, we're getting there. Somehow.
5. We're honest (at least with ourselves).
We're honest with ourselves. Life has shaped our optimism, and it's a little closer to our perceived reality. We're constantly in touch with that reality.
We understand if spending your time with us won't be a viable option for you right now. We understand if you think spending your life with us would be a waste of time. We won't stop you if you leave, as long as you assure us you'll be happy.
It's not that we don't care. We acknowledge your needs for signs and the possibility of a stable relationship. We'll be honest with you when we're not ready for it. We'll also be honest with you about the reason why.
But when we're finally ready to be in a more stable relationship, that means we're truly ready. We will have clear reasons why. That's when the idea is closer to our perceived reality.
If you made it that far with me, congratulations. You've made it.
Bear in mind that we don't really like it when you expect us to give you the same kind of attention we gave our exes. Those relationships ended for a reason, and we've upgraded ourselves since. Let us love and cherish you in the way in which we're comfortable. We're going to be honest with you about it, and you probably could have more than we've ever given anyone anyway.
So, the next time you encounter a broken man in your relationship, confront us and ask us. We'll talk about it.
You won't hear a more honest and genuine answer from us. In the end, we're better versions of our previous selves when it comes to communicating and arguing, and those are the building blocks of a healthy relationship.