Healing Takes Time: Why Closure Is Necessary To Moving On After A Breakup

by Eric Santos

Closure is important to find following the ending of any significant event or relationship in one’s life. Closure is when you become at ease with the fact that things are over.

I know this all too well, as, over the last few months, I had to find closure after separating with the love of my life and closing down my first startup. The closure I had to find for each event was different in its own way, but finding it was important, nonetheless.

Breakups suck; there is no denying that, especially if the relationship was with someone you loved or were with for a very long time. The healing process can take a while, and that is expected. It’s hard to turn someone who was your everything into a virtual stranger.

Getting through my breakup with my ex-girlfriend was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, and it’s still an ongoing process. One thing I was able to do successfully after my breakup was find closure. However, the process of finding it wasn’t easy, and it did take a while.

I don’t believe there is one easy way to find closure, as everyone’s scenario is different. You sort of need to look for it on your own, but you will feel it once you find it. Some find closure through themselves, and some find it by asking their previous partner the questions that need to be asked.

You deserve to know why it ended; you deserve peace of mind, and you deserve closure.

Here is why closure is so important:


I believe finding closure after a breakup is extremely important in regards to the healing process. Letting go of the hurt and pain is the first step to making peace with what happened.

Closure is like a BandAid for a cut; sure, a cut could heal over time without one, but a BandAid allows the cut to heal much quicker and mitigates the chances of the cut reopening.

Your breakup is a lot like that cut. The longer you keep it open, the more pain you put yourself through. There is nothing more painful than a cut almost being healed, only to be reopened again.

Don’t try to wait out the healing process without a BandAid; ask the question that needs to be asked and find the closure you need. However, if the cut is deep enough, no closure or BandAid will be enough to stop it from becoming a scar.

Moving On

You need closure after a breakup in order to move on because without it, you’re walking in circles. There is nothing worse than sitting in the dark wondering, “What if?” Trust me, I know firsthand.

My ex got the closure she needed much earlier than I did. It hurts to keep thinking about “what we could be again” with someone who is clearly over you. Let this pain help drive you to move on.

You can’t afford to be optimistic when it comes to getting through a breakup. When you’re optimistic about your chances of getting back with that person, you’re only dragging out the time it takes to move on.

You have to come to terms that you will never be with this person again, even if the future eventually has other plans. Once you come to peace with these terms, only then can you move on.

Being Happy

When going through a breakup, you experience a plethora of emotions. The majority of the time, this includes sadness, anger and heartbreak. For me, the emotions came in that order.

I thought I hated my girlfriend after our breakup before I received closure. In reality, I didn’t hate her; I hated that I couldn’t be with her. Once I obtained closure, I came to this realization and accepted the fact that we couldn't be together.

It’s common for people to think they hate their ex post-breakup. It’s an easy way to paint him or her as the bad guy and make yourself a victim.

However, most of the time, it’s not a feasible coping mechanism. You need to man up and accept the mistakes you made; in most cases, one party is usually not fully responsible for the relationship coming to an end.

When you spend energy being bitter towards your ex, you’re wasting energy you could use to be happy. Make amends with your ex and find closure.

Finding closure doesn't mean you need to become best friends with your ex; it just means he or she is no longer your enemy. I have no intention of becoming friends with my ex, but I will always have her back.

Find the closure you need and be happy; you deserve it. Life is too short to dwell on what was lost, when there is so much out there to be gained.

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